That's messed up

The beach is one of the best, easiest, places anywhere. You don't have to do anything when you go to the beach. Or you can do anything you want! You can go on long, slow walks, dig the deepest anyone has ever dug, and pee ANYWHERE you want to pee.

So why does Dad keep messing it up?

We always go to the beach for our walks-that-turn-into-fast-walks. And it starts off great! We walk down all the hills to get there. We stop and pee whenever I need to leave a note for other doggies, and I get to sniff their notes, too. And the BEST is this time of year, because there are so many fruity treats just laying on the ground. Dad pretends that he doesn't want me to eat them, but he always waits until I have them in my mouth before he starts to angry-bark. And that's just how a walk should be! But the problem starts when we get down to the beach. That's when it all gets messed up.

First, Dad starts fast-walking, which is fine. It would be great if he weren't so slow, but he's just a people, so he can't help it. But then he fast-walks past all of the best stuff, and that is NOT right! He pulls me past the doggies who have to sit next to the people who don't even move. He pulls me past the snacks someone left out -- because now we're walking just a bit too fast for me to pick them up. He pulls me past the places other doggies left pee-notes for me to sniff (How are we even going to find our way back now?!!). And he even pulls me past that thing that looks just like a doggie, but makes loud whistle sounds instead of barking. WHAT IS THAT!!?? Come on! How are you fast-walking away from THAT?! Did you not hear that thing??! It said, "WHEEEE, WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" It was SO awful, THE BEST!

I mean, we only stop to for me to get water and leave pee-notes like three or four times on the way out, and then again on the way back! And we don't dig in the sand even once!! I keep leaving pee-notes asking other doggies how to deal with a people who keeps messing up the beach. But I never get to sniff any answers, because we just fast-walk past them all!

Dad, I don't know if I'm the first one to tell you this, but you kind of suck at the beach. Now, why don't you try your hand at scratching my butt.