Wednesday, January 8, 2014

This is taking forever

Mom still hasn't brought home our new pack baby. I'm not sure what she's waiting for. I'm pretty sure it doesn't take a doggie this long to bring home a new doggie baby... and doggies can bring home SO MANY doggie babies at one time! But while I'm waiting (and Waiting, and WAITING), I thought of some other things that take people the LONGEST time to do.

  • Get from one place to another. People are slow. They are slow when they walk. They are slow when they do what they call running, but which is really just fast-walking. And they are slow when they try to run their fastest for real -- which is almost fast enough to be called real running -- but still not really fast at all.
  • Figuring things out. Every few nights I wake Mom and Dad up in the middle of the night with my howling. I howl as loud as I can, and I ignore them when they say my name or make that "SSSHHHHHH" that sounds silly to me. (It is so silly, I almost stop howling because I have to laugh! But I don't stop because I NEED to keep howling.) Sometimes I howl at the wall-way that goes outside, sometimes I howl into the closet, and sometimes I howl into the hallway where the water comes from. Mom and Dad still don't know why I wake them up in the middle of the night with my loud howling. But don't worry -- even though they are SUPER slow figuring it out, I won't give up on them.
  • Eat the food from the food room. In my house there is a room filled with food. I call it the food room, so that I know which one I'm talking about. It is the room I'm not supposed to go in. But if I did go in there, I could eat all of that food -- ALL OF IT -- in as long as it would take a person to "run" their fastest around the block.
  • Grow up. Mom, Dad, and me moved here like two years ago. I was still just a puppy-doggie then. And on the part of my house that is across the hall from where Mom and Dad stay, there were two people-puppies who used to scream the best when I would try to jump on them and lick them on their faces. Now I'm a grown up doggie -- I'm like four or something (I don't really know because I'm adopted and my now-and-forever parents won't tell me when my real birthday is). But those people-puppies across the hall are still just people-puppies and they still scream when I try to jump up and lick their faces.
  • Remember to feed me after they're done eating. First, they slow-walk into the food room, where there is ALREADY food that we could all ALREADY be eating. Then they make loud food-banging sounds, so that I will know that they are in the food room -- where I'm not allowed to go. THEN they bring just a little bit of food out of the food room and make me watch them eat every little bit of it. THEN they do nothing.

    Seriously, they just sit and do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

    And THEN they make me sit on the food-bed (where I'm supposed to wait for my food) and they go into the kitchen and bring food out for me - THAT THEY DON'T LET ME EAT!!!! I'm not fooling! They make me keep waiting... and Waiting... AND WAITING, until they FINALLY say, "Okay."

    They are doing it right now... and they are taking FOREVER!!! I could write SO MANY of these lists in the time I'm waiting for them to feed me.

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