Knowing the hiding place

Yesterday Dad showed me that I don't know much about my hiding place.

It started with Dad going out to my hiding place on the balcony. At first, I thought he was looking for my wood-bone or my sock-ball. But he found them right away and just moved them away... I need to get better at hiding things, because he found them way too quick!

Then he started looking for something else. I don't know what it was, but he was looking the hardest EVER! First he pushed the dead leaves back out of the way, but he still didn't find whatever-it-is. Then he brought out a bag and put some of the dead leaves inside. And then he did it some more. And he kept doing it until the whole bag was filled up. But Dad STILL hadn't found whatever-it-is yet, so he checked the bag to see if it had sneaked in -- He was looking so hard that he crunched up all of the dead leaves until the bag got small again. And then he started putting more dead leaves in it. So I knew he still hadn't found it, whatever-it-is.

And he kept trying to find whatever-it-is until finally all (ALL!!!) of the leaves on the balcony were gone! And he STILL hadn't found it! SO HE STEPPED OFF THE BALCONY!!! ...onto the roof that is just past the balcony gate... AND HE KEPT LOOKING FOR WHATEVER-IT-IS!!! He got more bags and kept stuffing dead leaves into them and then crunching them up. And then, when he finally stopped, all of the dead leaves were all the way gone! But I still didn't see whatever-it-is that he was looking for.

And neither did he, so we took all of the bags down into the garage to look through them some more. I stopped for a quick pee in the quiet pee place, and when I came into the garage,... all the bags were gone! And that's when I got it. He wasn't looking for a whatever-it-is in the hiding place... He was hiding the whole hiding place! And he did all his hiding right in front of me!! And he did such a good job, that I never even saw where he hid any of it!!!

And that's when I knew that Dad knows the most about hiding things (AND places!!), and that I need to do a better job of knowing him.

Everyday is different

Sometimes I hear Mom and Dad say that they feel bad for me because I have to do the same thing so many days. On days when they don't stay home with me, I wait in the downstairs hoping they don't get lost for too long. On days when they do stay home with me, I sleep on the best bed in my house that I can be on, or I lay down in the sunshine on the balcony. We go for our short walk in the beginning of the day and long walk in the end of the day. Unless we go to the park, where we play catch with the dead tennis balls, or if I go to Doggie Goddess, which is the best place ANYWHERE!

But the more the day is the same, the more you can notice that it is different. In the downstairs, there can be different colors and lights coming through the window, the sounds from outside are always changing, and the smells from each day lay down on top of each other making the smells taller all the time. I can hear my doggie neighbors sing their new bark-songs to each other, or smell the tree leaves outside getting older, or watch the sunbeam sneak across the floor, making some parts smell louder than others - and it's different parts on different days.

When you make things too different, you don't know what is changed and what is the same. So how can you tell if something is the way it is supposed to be? On our fast walk today there was a new water bowl, but there were so many other doggies' smells on it. Who's bowl was it? Is it the same doggies every day or is this a for-anyone bowl? Maybe when I smell it a few more times, I'll know who it is for. And when we moved from my old home to my home in Santa Monica, we changed EVERYTHING EVERYDAY! We moved into a new home every night, and every day we left to find an even newer place. It was SOOO confusing and scary. After a while I couldn't tell if it was everything else that was changing or if it was me!

If you get used to changing everything all the time, then you might think that one day can be just like another day. After a while, you can't see or smell how something is different, because you get used to not ever seeing or smelling it more than once. But if you live a life where you do the same thing everyday, then you know that no matter how hard you try, you can't do it the same. It can't be done, because no matter how hard you try, everyday is already different.

Facing the afterbath

Dad changed my smell-name back to flower-puppy smell again today. It's bad to have a weak smell-name that no other doggie will respect. And it's strange to have a new smell-name that is so different and doesn't feel like it fits. But the worst thing is that my smell name isn't gone. It just belongs to the big white bowl now.

Right after my bath,... well right after Dad lifted me up out of the big white bowl that I cannot get out of on my own AND after Dad rubbed me all over with the sweet-flower cloths I did what you have to do. I started trying to cover my new smell-name with anything I could find. I rubbed myself on the floor downstairs. (There was a hint of peanut butter here just yesterday!) Then I rubbed myself by the front door. (People bring in the best smells on their shoes then leave them right here!) And I rubbed myself in the all-the-way-upstairs floor (because nothing else is working so far!) And then I rolled in the crunchy dead leaves on my balcony... Finally, something! It's not the best smell-name, but anything is better than flower-puppy!!

And then I went back inside to see if there were any even better smells I could put on. And that's when I smelled something that couldn't be right... I smelled... ME! I smelled my old smell name! Where was I coming from?! Was there another me?!! No there's just one me! But maybe I can find where Dad put my old smell name and put it back on!! So I chased my smell to where it was the loudest and I saw... Dad! Dad was in the big white bowl... but I still smelled me!!! So Dad wasn't just trying to take my smell name away, he was stealing it for himself!!!

But that wasn't right. Because when he got out of the big white bowl, he smelled like a hint of lavender is all. And I could STILL smell my old name the loudest! It was the bowl that smelled like me. The bowl that is too big for me to get in and out of. It was just sitting there holding the smell I wanted the most in the one place I want to go the least! So I started to sing my sad-bark song.

And that's when Dad came in. (And I got out of there FAST! I'm not going back in that thing AGAIN!!) And Dad used a spitting bottle to spit all over the white bowl. And it smelled like sharp-pains-and-far-away-death. And he rinsed it all down with the water that has no smells and made my old smell-name all the way gone.

Or almost all the way... I can still smell whisper-of-me in the big white bowl. It fell into the hole where the smelless-water goes and it is stuck down there now. And when I sniff me in there, I hear the big white bowl saying that one of these times it will take the rest of me and keep me in its hole too. And when Mom and Dad leave me in the downstairs all day I will have to smell the big white bowl whispering this to me the whole time. And that will be the worst!

One day

Dad says it is almost my fourth birthday, but he is just guessing, because no one knows my birthday. After I was born, I was thrown away to a place people call a kill shelter. It was an ugly, sad, lonely place, and no one could be happy there. I tried to be happy, but all of my friends kept disappearing. Dad says that I was going to be killed there too, but someone took me away one day before it was going to happen. One. Day.

I don't know why people wanted to kill me and my friends. I was just a puppy. I was bouncy, and SUPER friendly, and a little clumsy (but not nearly as bad as people-babies are!), and I loved people the MOST! And I was so young and I couldn't have done anything wrong, because I didn't even have a enough time to do anything wrong yet!

Okay, I did pee on a lot of stuff back then. I might have peed on some things I shouldn't have.

But Dad says he read that 3-4 million dogs and cats are killed every year in kill shelters like the one I was in. I don't know what "million dogs" are but I don't think think they could deserve THAT! I might even be a million dog too, since I was in a kill shelter and I KNOW I didn't deserve it... I think. I REALLY didn't pay much attention to what I peed on back then. And I chewed a lot of things, too. Yeah. I was a chewer.

But think of all the places I never would have been to! I never would have known my grandma's back yard where you can dig the MOST! Or the beach near Santa Monica where I'm allowed to go and get chased by the ocean. Or Flagstaff, Arizona which smells like the the MOST pine EVER, and I want everywhere to smell like there!! And I never would have seen all of the places between where I used to live and where I live now! Maryland, and West Virginia, and Indiana (where people have the best big yards!), and Illinois and everywhere else we went... Except Texas and Oklahoma. They were SO hot and dry and I didn't really need to know those places.

And think of all the things I would have missed out on if the person who took me away that day had come just one day later! I never would have eaten all the squeaks out of a toy. Or chewed even one tennis ball. Or tasted peanut butter (Have you tried it? IT IS SOOO GOOOD!!!). And I never would have licked my now-and-forever Mom and Dad's faces when they come home (I know you're wondering, so I'll just tell you - they taste like love... and a hint of ginger-carrot). And I never would have talked Dad into writing this blog with me so that you could know what it's like to be a good doggie like me!

And without me, Mom and Dad might not know that they can take care of someone else so good. And they might not know how to work together when someone else wakes up in the middle of the night and needs extra care. And they might not know they can do it all and keep falling in love with each other. And so they might not know they should make a baby together.

One day later and and there's no me. And maybe no Mom-and-Dad... And maybe no baby on the way. But maybe also fewer things that smell like pee. So if you hate love and babies and pee, then don't worry, there are still plenty of kill shelters. But I hope one day there won't be.

Dad's Note: If you feel so moved, please consider donating to a rescue foundation. Or if you think you're in the right situation, consider giving a dog or cat a forever-home. They'll change your life.

If you have a favorite foundation, feel free to list it in a comment below. (URL links are disabled to discourage spamming.)

Forbidden fruit

I knew I wasn't supposed to! I already knew it when I first smelled it. But it just smelled so tall under all of those leaves behind the pee tree where no one could miss it! So it had to be SOOO good!!

And someone already ate half of it! They chewed right through one side and ate into the middle. But they left SO MUCH! Maybe it was too much for them. Or maybe they already ate enough to get sick with the right amount of super powers. Or maybe they ate this much and then died... But probably they didn't die, because there is another one right there that's half eaten too. They won't miss one.

I shouldn't take it inside.

I need to take it inside.

Whaf dat? Ohm myeah, i forgof to sch-pee. Righ! Here, i'm sch-peeing, i'm sch-peeing! Now lef go bach inside.

Okay, let's take a look at you... Wait Dad, please don't take that! Where are you going with... No, please don't... don't put it in the garbage! It's not all the way dead yet!! I just want to chew it up first, and get some super powers from it... Then you can throw it away the most!

I knew I wasn't supposed to bring it inside. I probably shouldn't bring in the other one when I go back tomorrow.

Existential Dog

I'm a doggie, and I live the life of a doggie. I smell, hear, taste, and see a doggie world. I am as smart and as dumb as a doggie is. And you should listen to me, because you can't know what I know. Because you can't smell, or hear, or taste, or see what I... you know, all of those things. I might be standing right next to you, but I live in a TOTALLY different world.

My world is made of so many smells (SO MANY!!!). And they never blend! They stand next to each other like grass blades and hold their ground just the same. And they can work together to make bigger things, the way grass blades can make a lawn, and hairs can make fur. And smells never die! They wave at me in the wind, and then they lie down on top of each other making the world smell taller than before.

And my world is filled with sounds of action. They cut through my smells and make my world move. They lift my ears and turn my head, and they lift my paws and pull them forward. Then they disappear like dreams... They can be chased, but never caught.

My world is filled with fuzzy sights. Crisp smells and sounds bend light before my eyes even know it. Is that you waving at me from the top of the hill? In between us are visions dancing with delight. The moving ones I can catch in my mouth. They're not dreams, but they taste just as sweet!

Growing up

Maybe I am growing up. That's what Mom and Dad say when I stay sitting where they tell me to sit after a person knocks on the wall-way.

I love meeting people so much (SOOO MUCH!!!). Especially when they come to my house, or I see them at the park, or on our walks, or anywhere else... Okay, I just especially love to meet people no matter where it happens. So when Mom or Dad tell me to go "over here" and "sit." It is hard (SO HARD!) to do. Well... It isn't hard to do it, it is just hard to KEEP doing it once Mom or Dad opens the wall-way. Because once you open the wall-way, everything is different.

When the wall-way opens after a person knocks on it. It usually means that there is at least one person outside... and maybe more than that. When I sat down before the wall-way opened, my pack was just me and Mom and Dad. But once the wall-way opens my pack might be a whole bunch bigger! There could be new people, or people I know already, or tiny people, or doggies, or all of them at the same time! Mom and Dad said to sit before, but now my pack is totally different. What does my pack need me to do now? Where does it need me to be? I better go find out!

And besides Mom or Dad are already through the wall-way meeting the rest of our pack, and sniffing and wrestling with them. And now I'm not with them and a doggie should be with her pack! And why am I sitting over here and not helping my pack which is already doing something so important?

And most of all, when the wall-way opens, your house is bigger all at once! Because now your house is the same with the rest of the world. Everything that is anywhere in the world can know how to come in. And everything that is in your house can know how to get out. And the air outside comes right in and right up to you and says, "You're not inside anymore, now you are outside." And the air inside goes out too. And if you chase it outside, it says, "You're still inside!" So everywhere has changed! When I was told "here" and "sit", I went and I did. But now here is not just here anymore it is also out there! So where was I supposed to sit again?

But I found out that Mom and Dad like it when I keep sitting, which is different from staying here, since here can move so quickly. And it is different from doing what Mom and Dad are doing when they are sniffing and wrestling with people at the wall-way. And it might be different from doing what the pack needs, now that the pack is a new pack. And maybe I am growing up, if that is what all that means. But maybe it is Mom and Dad who are growing up and not me. Because they finally get why I can't stay sitting when the wall-way opens, and they learned that they should say "sit" and "stay" and "here" AFTER they opened it.

Lil' Help

I've been thinking about how things are going to change soon - with the new baby boy that Mom is making to add to our pack. And I think you should let me help out a little more around here. I can do a lot more than you let me, and I think you guys are going to have your hands full with that people-baby. I mean, no offense to Mom, because she's doing a great job making a baby pretty much all by herself (seriously Dad, you could help out a little more too), but even with Dad's help the baby isn't going to be any good at doing ANYTHING. So here are all the things I can do. I'm going to be a really big help!

• Get my own water. This isn't so much about me doing something as it is about you NOT having to do something. Those big bowls in the bathroom are filled with water all the time. If you just leave the lid up, I can get all the water I need. Easy for you. Easy for me!
• Food room clean-up. You know I can do this! I'm practically made for floor work! Why should you stoop down, when I'm already here? All you have to do is NOT people-bark at me when I come in to lend a helping, um, help out.
• Baby monitor. Any time the baby needs something, I'll let you know the loudest!
• Baby cleaning. Two words: doggie licks! Done and done.
• Baby toys. As soon as I'm done with my tennis balls, they are all his!
• Baby sitting. I don't know why anyone would want to sit on a baby. But I don't see how it could be so hard that I couldn't do it too.
• Pooping. Babies can smell SO LOUD! And that's okay, except that other animals will try to come and eat him. I can poop in the house to cover the baby smell. I already showed you how well it works! I CAN SMELL THE LOUDEST!!
• Be in charge of my own food. I've pretty much got the hang of getting fed down. One scoop from the big food box in the back of the pantry. No problem! Just leave it to me. There's no reason why you should have to worry about that at all. I'll let you know when we need more.

Love of the game

WHAT IS WITH THIS???!!!

THIS IS THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN A PEOPLE DO!!! I WANT TO DO IT RIGHT NOW!!

Dad can I do it? Dad can I do it? Dad can I do it? Dad can I do it? Dad can I do it?

Dad can I do it? PLEASE!

She is having the BEST TIME I HAVE EVER SEEN ANY ONE OR ANY THING EVER HAVE EVER!!!! The ball is FAST, but she is EVEN FASTER! She is moving her long arm so far to hit the ball! And she hits the ball SO HARD!!!

Dad can I hit the ball? Dad can I hit the ball? Dad can I hit the ball? Dad can I hit the ball?

Dad can I hit the ball? PLEASE!

Dad! Look! At! How! Fast! That! Ball! Goes!!! And she keeps hitting it! SHE IS A! M! A! Z! I! N! G!!! I WANT TO BE HER!!!

Dad can I be her? Dad can I be her? Dad can I be her? Dad can I be her? Dad can I be her?

Dad can I be her? PLEASE!

Wait... What do you mean we have to go?!

WHAT IS WITH THAT???!!

Slow day

I notice that some days start off slower than others. Or really some days people start off slower. Days start off at the same speed everyday.

Slow-people days can be the BEST! Because those are the days I get to spend the most time with Mom and Dad. Sometimes they stay home ALL DAY LONG with me!!! And I get to be in my best bed that I can be in, or in the sun on one of the balconies, or under the table licking their feet. I like to lick their feet because they smell the most and sometimes it makes Mom or Dad squeak just like a squeaky toy! But slow days can also be the WORST, too!! Because people are slow to do everything! They lay in bed the longest and take FOREVER to take a doggie out for a pee or give a doggie breakfast.

And today is a day where Mom and Dad started off slower, and it went just like this...

First, everyone woke up like usual, but no body left the room. Actually Mom and Dad both left the room but only one at a time - the way they do when they go to pee, because people can only pee one at a time - but then everyone went back to sleep... Like no one ELSE in the room who is not allowed to pee in the house wanted to pee... Or eat.

Then later everyone in the bedroom was awake again, but nobody moved. Instead, they just stayed in bed and used their people words for the longest time... it is okay. I'm just a doggie laying over here with nothing better to do today than NOT pee and NOT eat!

Then, finally, Dad left the bed. He put on his fast walking clothes (Yay! We're going to go for a fast walk again today!!!) and he went upstairs. I followed him and started stretching to get ready for our fast walk... that didn't happen - because today is a slow-people day. Instead, Dad got himself breakfast and sat down at his tap box. And Mom came up and got her breakfast and sat down with her hand box. And nobody ELSE in the house got breakfast, or got to pee, or went out for any kind of walk at all!

But then when Dad FINALLY finished breakfast, he put on his fast walking shoes, so I knew we really were going to go out for a fast walk (Yay!) but before I got any breakfast (Boo!). And the fast walk was really GREAT, because I wore my new necklace so Dad said sweet things to me the whole way, AND I got to pee and poop as much as I wanted!! And best of all, when we got back to my house, I finally got to eat my breakfast. And lick Dad's feet. So mostly slow-people days are the BEST and not the worst.

Squeak!

Boy trouble

Ugh... Boys are trouble.

Yesterday I told you about my new necklace that makes it SO EASY to hear Mom and Dad. And it has made walking with them THE BEST, because they are talking so sweet to me. But now that I can hear them so well, I heard something that makes me not know what to feel!

And before all of that, I also told you about my break-up with my forever-boyfriend, deer-chickory. But I didn't tell you that I saw him again just a few days ago. I just wasn't ready to talk about it. But now, because of what necklace said to me, I have to.

I saw deer-chickory the same day Dad and I went on our walk that turned into a fast walk later on, which was great (SOOO GREAT!!!) because we haven't done that together in SO LONG!! But it was also great because I had just seen deer-chickory and a slow walk just wasn't going to be enough.

And when we saw each other at first I didn't really want to see him, so I tried to keep walking. But Dad stopped when he saw him and... and I don't know WHAT Dad was thinking, because he should know all about what happened, since he's the one that typed it up for my blog!... but he stopped to say "Hi" anyway. And deer-chickory came right over and sniffed me and everything just like he didn't disappear after we slept togeth... (Okay, Dad! Whatever! )... after we napped together that day!

But he WAS really nice. He even sniffed and said "Hi" to Dad, which now I know Dad likes the BEST. And later, after a long time on our fast walk, I knew again what I figured out before, which is that it is relationships that are hard. So I decided that I shouldn't make it so hard with deer-chickory, just to make it about him. And I decide that I still like deer-chickory the BEST, because he's so nice... and cool (Deer-chickory is SO cool!). But I also figured out that he can't be my forever-boyfriend, because relationships are hard, so that means that boys can't be forever. And that is why I have a problem I have to talk about now.

Because today, after Dad put necklace on me, it told me that I'm not going to have a baby sister. I'm going to have a baby brother. And first I thought, "Oh! Mom is making us a boy!!!" And then I thought more, "YAY!! A BOY! He'll fast walk with me at the park the MOST! And he'll bounce tennis balls to me all day long!! And boys scream and run the loudest when you lick them in the face, and THAT IS SOOOO MUCH FUN!!! And I will never be lonely again, EVER!!"

But then thought I even more, "Oh no! What if people-boys are like dog-boys and then my new baby brother won't be my forever-brother. And if that's true, then maybe I shouldn't like him first so I will not get hurt so bad." And then I felt bad already because I had already started loving him. And now I love him but don't like him and I feel hurt by him already and he's not even here yet!

And, I don't know why, but that is when Dad reached down and scratched me on the side of my neck like he does when I do something good, or when I wake up in the morning, or when he feeds me. And he does it all of the times when I know that he loves me the MOST. And then I remembered that Dad is a boy too, and he's forever for sure! So maybe boys CAN be forever. But then that means that relationships are even harder than I knew already. And now that I know this much, I feel like I don't know anything at all! And most of all I don't know what I'm supposed to feel, anymore!!

But I do know one thing the MOST... boys are trouble.

Bling Thing

Does my new necklace make my head look big?

Yesterday Dad gave me my new necklace. He says I can wear it out for walks and runs, which is what he calls fast walks. And then he put it on me and we went for our walk. And it was like I'd never been on a walk with him before. No. It was like I was on walks with him before, but never knew it. No. It was like we could talk to each other on our walks for the first time EVER!

All the times before when we went on walks, Dad (or Mom - who is still THE BEST MOM!) would clip a rope between me and them so that they wouldn't get lost. It is because they REFUSE to sniff their way on the walks. I know I shouldn't be so judgy, but I have to say it like that. Because I show them every single time we go out how to sniff everything and they never sniff ANYTHING... not even the really smelly bits that I stop and point out to them.

And on all of our walks before they are really tuggy, because they don't know where they are and they are SO afraid when I get too far away that they tug the hardest sometimes. And when we see another doggie who I should say "Hi!" to, they get even more scared of getting lost and pull me even closer and harder sometimes. Or that's what I always thought.

But now I have this new necklace. And instead of clipping the rope to my collar, Dad clipped it to my necklace and all of the sudden I could hear everything he was thinking RIGHT THROUGH THE NECKLACE! IT IS AMAZING!!! If he even starts to think I'm walking away to far, I can hear it right away! He says through the necklace, "Oh? are you walking away? You are already so far away from me." And when I hear that, which is SOOO EASY now, I just come back to Dad, because then I hear, "Oh! I'm so glad to have you back by my side. I like walking right next to you!" And how could I walk away from him when he's talking so sweet to me? And also as soon as we see another doggie, I hear Dad's voice through the necklace, "Oh. There is a cute doggie, I hope Nima doesn't jump up and try to meet him before I get to meet him." And I realize that I was so selfish and rude before, and then I stay near Dad so he can meet the doggie too. And it is SOOO FUN to meet doggies with Dad and Mom!

And now me and my Dad and Mom can talk to each other all the way through our walks! Which is THE BEST EVER!!! And it fills my head full of SO MANY thoughts all the way along... Which makes me wonder, does my new necklace make my head look big?

Mom's best

My now-and-forever Mom is the BEST EVER!

She takes me to the park and throws the balls the best! She picks them up with a big stick and can throw them so far! But I like it best when she throws them low and makes them bounce up a lot. I chase'em down and catch them right out of the air while I'm still running!

She also knows right away when I'm sick with too many super powers. And then she gives me the food I want for right then, which is chicken and white rice. It is SO GOOD it almost makes me want to get too sick again! But that would not help me be ready-the-most for when I finally get the chance to catch one of those fluffy tailed douchebags! So I won't try to get too sick on purpose... just sick enough.

[Dad says you don't want to see this picture.]

She is also the one who gave me the best bed in the house that I can be in. It was when she was tapping on her tap box in the all-the-way-upstairs where this bed lives. I already wanted to be on that bed the most (THE MOST!!!) because it had the more smells in it than any of the other beds in my house. And when Mom would go up to do her tapping, I would follow her and wish I could be on THAT bed. Then one day when we were up there, I thought that I should just ask her if it would be okay! Because the worst she would do is just say "NO!" in her scariest loud-people bark voice. And she uses it all the time when I go in the food-room to help clean up, so I know it already!! So I stood right behind Mom and I asked her if I could be in the bed. I used my quietest look and I said, "?"

And I was a little surprised when she didn't turn around and say, "NO!!!" So I climbed in the bed right away and curled up the tightest I could so she wouldn't see me being too much in the bed. But I think she saw me anyway because I heard her chair squeak a little the way it does when she turns around. But she didn't say, "NO!!!" or "NIMA!!!" (which can also mean "Look at me", or "Here, I have some food for you", but in this case would just mean "NO!"). Instead all she said was "mmMMMm." Which I decided means, "Good Doggie!!!" because that's what I wanted it to mean the most!!

And THIS is why Mom is the BEST now-and-forever Mom EVER!!!

Dog Time

What is time?

That's what Dad asked me today. It is because he is looking at a paper block with a picture of a doggie on the front but that just smells like paper and not a doggie at all. The paper block has lots of pieces of paper inside of it with black marks on it, which also don't smell like a doggie. Dad stares at a piece of paper for a while then he moves to another piece of paper in the block and does it some more. (I can only hope he is trying to practice his sniffing skills.) Then he looks at me and asks me, "What is time?" Maybe he doesn't really know, or maybe he wants to know if I know, or maybe he's just asking me that be because he doesn't want to stare at his paper block anymore.

I know what people think time is. People think time is complicated. Sometimes they think time is up, and later they think it is over, and sometimes they think it is just-in-, and later they think it is wasted. They say time is slow and fast. They say you can be in time or out of time. They even say time is money. But time isn't any of those things... Except maybe money... It could be money, because I don't actually know what money is. But I do know what time is. Time is just stupid.

Time is stupid the way a rock is stupid. Or the way the ground is stupid. Or the way that paper block is stupid. Because time just is. It doesn't matter what you are doing, or not doing, or wanting to do, or waiting to do, or did, or didn't do. Time is just how long it took you to do it or not do it, and that is it. It has nothing to do with the actual thing you did or didn't do. You just got confused.

People talk about bedtime like there is only one time you can get in your bed. But what is your bed doing when you're not in it? I'll tell you because I've watched beds when a person is in them and when no one is in them. Your bed is doing the same thing no matter what time you think it is. So it is always bedtime.

People also talk about dinner time or breakfast time, like there is only one time when you can eat those things. But what is your breakfast food or dinner food doing at when it is not those times? I watch food a lot (A LOT!!!) so I know what food is doing when you say it is NOT time to eat it. It is doing the exact same thing it is doing when you say it IS time eat it. So it is always dinner time too!

People talk about running out of time, but if that happened how would you have time to do anything you've done since your time ran out? If you are reading my blog right now, then there was still more time. I think there is always more time. I think you just don't want to do whatever it was that you were doing anymore, and you're blaming time, which is also stupid.

So my answer is it is time to put down the paper block that you don't want to sniff anymore, it is time to stop asking stupid questions, and it is time to feed me breakfast or dinner or whatever food time you want to say it is.

Socks

Socks are the BEST thing that smells like Mom or Dad, but isn't either of them.

People wear socks on their feet... I guess because people feet are so ugly. Feet are one of the only parts of a people body that people cover twice - first with socks, then with shoes (then they tie the shoes on their feet just to make sure that no one will see them at all). They also cover their butts and crotches twice, too, probably for the same reason. I guess if my feet were so big and flat, or my butt was so big and furless, or I had a crotch at all, I'd feel the same way too. So it just makes sense.

But feet and butts and crotches are actually the best, because they are the stinkiest people parts. And that just means that they have the most to say about all the important stuff - like where you've been, and what food you ate, and who got sick, and who is having sex with who else... and what more would you want to know about anybody?

And socks are the best clothes that people wear, because you can (AND SHOULD!) put other stuff inside of them and then give them to your doggie! My favorites are putting a tennis ball inside, or a crinkly plastic bottle, or an old toy I forgot about because its smell wasn't new anymore, or - best of all - another sock!!! And there can be so much Mom or Dad smell in a sock that you can almost think that Mom or Dad's feet are still inside! So when you sniff and chew it, you can pretend you're sniffing and chewing your Mom or Dad's feet... which you should never do... chewing their feet that is... because it would be wrong and you would hear really angry-loud people-barks... but if it is just a sock with something else in it, then you can still think about doing it... if you wanted to think about that sort of thing... which... I do, so... there that is.

And I tried it once with Mom's undershorts, but apparently that is NOT okay with Mom. Because it can make her use her angry-bark voice really loud, too - so loud you can hardly smell what you're chewing anymore. And then you are just left wondering why you have undershorts in your mouth... which is kind of a weird place to find yourself. And it makes you think you should have just stuck with socks, because they are the BEST!

Fast Walking

Today Dad and I went on what Dad calls a run, but it is really just fast walking. It's been a long time since we last fast walked together. We haven't done it since that day I saw the HUGEST butterfly EVER down at the beach. At first I couldn't tell if it was a giant butterfly that was flying way overhead, or if it was just a regular butterfly flying super close to me. So I jumped up at it and when I saw that it didn't get any bigger, or land in my mouth, then I knew it was super big!!! And that is AMAZING!!!! And I didn't think that Dad was afraid of it at first, but I guess he was because he kept "running" away from it even though I kept pulling him back towards it the hardest I could. And then that was our last fast walk together. And it was also one of my last fast walks at all, until a few days ago when Uncle Diallo took me, because even Mom stopped taking me too.

And I forgot how much I love (LOVE!!!) fast walking with people! Fast walks are the BEST, because they help me get so relaxed for the rest of the day at my house. Most days - days when I don't go to Doggie Goddess - I just feel a little too stuck in my house and in my body. I want to run and jump and dig and fast-walk forever, but there's no place to do any of that in my house. Even my regular walks or trips to the park aren't enough and I just end up wanting it all even more! But when we go on fast walks we can go so much further and all those feelings just drop off along the way.

At first fast walks seem too slow and I want to run for real, but people don't ever go that fast. And you know how people don't ever want to say hi to everyone or stop to smell all the yummy smells we pass? Well they're even more like that on a fast walk. They just fast walk past all of it without even slowing down. And maybe it's because they are scared at first, too. They tug on our rope a lot when we go through the crowded part of our fast walk, because they think they're going to lose me and then get lost. But after the crowd gets less, then people settle down and tug less. And I still want to go faster, but instead we just go farther. But by the time we turn around to go home the speed feels just about right so maybe they're right about that... Except that I don't think it is even time to go home yet.

So I tell Mom or Dad, or Uncle Diallo that by biting on the rope and pulling it the hardest the other way. But usually they just say "No, Nima, it IS time to go home." And they keep fast walking back home... Except Dad. He angry-tired-barks at me and puts his hand over where I bit it and keeps it there, so that I either have to bite him or go home. So then I know he means it for real. And in the end it's usually right to go home then. Because before we get even the rest of the way home, I'm feeling really warm.

And that's when Mom, or Dad, or Uncle Diallo take me to the bowl place for water and let me fast walk in the only shade that there is, even when there's only just room for one of us in it. And when we get home, sometimes Dad puts the cold rocks in my water and I drink it up and then lay down. I cool off quick, but I stay calm all day long. And that's what makes fast walks the BEST!

And now that Dad and Uncle Diallo are fast walking me again, maybe Mom will too! And maybe they can all take turns, so I can do it everyday! I will make sure none of them gets too close to a butterfly so they won't ever be too afraid to fast walk again.

And...

YOU’RE BACK!!

I’m so glad!! I missed you!! Did you know it? You were gone so far away that I could hardly recognize your smells when you first came back... You’re all covered in so many yummy new smells!! Especially you Dad – you’re just a great big mess of smells! You guys smell like you were at the ocean but not the one near here. And you smell like you used lots of sunscreens and bug sprays and... who cares – DID YOU BRING FOOD BACK FOR ME??

Oh. Okay. Maybe next time.

But I’m glad you’re back! I’ve been having the best time with Uncle Diallo!! I taught him how to walk me faster and I took him to the park and showed him how to throw lots of balls for me. And he knows how to give me the MOST peanut butter I EVER got! Can he stay here forever?

Oh. He’s already… Well. Okay.

But maybe he can come visit again A LOT and take me on fast walks. (And Uncle Diallo, you can also bring as much peanut butter and other treats as you want… Because those are the best kinds. And even if you want to just sit and tap your tap box all day you can do that here too, because I like the sound of it now. ) But the best would be if we all went to the park right now!!! Can we go now??

Oh. Okay. Maybe tomorrow then.

But maybe you guys are hungry now? Maybe we should start dinnertime and you can eat and make me watch, and smell, and wait like we used to. Then when you’re done I can have my dinner time?

Oh! Okay! I think that’s the best idea too!! I’m so glad you guys are back!!

Vacation's happening

People go away a lot. They go away every day. Sometimes they go away for more than one day and it can be a long time. Mom and Dad are just like that. And they never tell me first. They just get up from wherever they are sitting, put peanut butter on a kong, take me downstairs, and then they walk out… Except this time.

This time Dad told me that he and Mom are going on a thing called a vacation. He said that they will be gone for more than a day, and that it will feel like a long time. And he said that I’ll stay here with Uncle Diallo, who will sit on my house and go on walks with me and not let me in the food-room, but still make sure I get fed. He said that Auntie Kristen and Uncle Zak will still be on the other side of my home too, and that I might get to visit them and that I will still get to visit my pack at Doggie Goddess. So basically, it will be just like right now, but not with them.

But there are a lot of things Dad didn’t say. He didn’t say WHY they were going away. He didn’t say WHERE they were going. He didn’t tell me HOW they were going to get there AND back without getting lost. He didn’t even really say WHEN they would be back, or WHAT they would be doing. So basically, he still didn’t tell me anything.

And that’s what people do. They go places and do things and don’t tell you what is going on. And you have to just wait for them to come home. And hope that they don’t get lost again. And hope that they remember to bring all the food you asked for – which they NEVER do!

And maybe you should trust a doggie! I’m the one who keeps finding you when you get lost! And I’m the one that keeps you from getting lost on our walks in the first place. And I’m the one who… I’m the one who gets… who gets left behind all the time. But now at least one thing is different. Now at least I know that it is vacations that keep happening to me.

Night training

Last night I started training Mom and Dad for my new baby sister or brother.

When I was at Doggie Goddess a few days ago, I told my pack that I'm going to be a big doggie-sister soon, and everyone was SO HAPPY for me! I think.... Everyone is always so happy there, so sometimes it is hard to tell if they are happy for you or just happy. Also, right after that pepper-oak-smell and too-old-sneakers-smell both said some things that got me worried.

They said that people-babies REALLY don't work well AT ALL. They said they have people-babies in their home-packs and that people-babies wake up in the middle of the night over and over again. And that they cry and pee and poop all the time, but especially when you want to sleep the most. And they said that if I hadn't already had a people-baby in my house then no one -- not even Mom or Dad -- were anywhere near ready for it. They said that my people Mom and Dad would forget about me, because the people babies are SO MUCH WORK!! And they would forget to feed me, and to let me take them out on walks, and to have any fun with me at all. And I told them they were liars, but I was worried anyway because I don't really think they were lying to me at all. I think they were right.

I already know that babies cry a lot. And I already know that little people don't work well. They are wiggly the right way, but they sometimes can't even stand up. And when they do stand up they always fall down again. I didn't know that they can't sleep well either, but it makes sense since they aren't good at anything else. And if all of that is true, then maybe pepper-oak and too-old-sneakers were also right that Mom and Dad aren't ready at all. And maybe it's true that they will forget about me. And I will be hungry and sleepy and never get any food or sleep again.

And that seems like a really bad thing. So last night I started training Mom and Dad for my new baby sister or brother.

First, I made sure that I didn't poop right during the day. I tried to hold it in all day starting in the morning, but I accidentally pooped twice when Mom took me to the park. I couldn't help it! I got SO EXCITED to go to the park with Mom because she uses the big throwing stick and can throw tennis balls even further than Dad!! And she and I like to play the game where I find someone else who has a tennis ball and I jump on them! Then she comes over and says, "No Nima!" Like she didn't already know I was going to do it. IT IS THE FUNNIEST GAME, EVER!!!! And it is so fun that I pooped twice even though I was trying not too. But it was still good enough because when we went to sleep-time I stayed up until everyone was asleep for a long time, and then I kept thinking about pooping until I really had to go again. REALLY.

And first I woke up Mom and said that I NEED to go poop NOW! And she said, "whhhaaaat?" And then I went around to Dad and I said that I REALLY, REALLY NEED to go poop NOW!!! And he scratched my head nice and rolled over. But then Mom woke up enough to figure it out and she said something to Dad and he got up and took me outside to poop.

WHEW! I'm panting just thinking about it!

But it wasn't the last part of last night's training, because people-babies wake up a lot every night, according to too-old-sneakers and pepper-oak. So I stayed up even longer, and after everyone was asleep for a long time, I got up and walked over to the tiny clothes room near Dad... And I took in a deep breath... And then I started HOWLING my loudest "HOOOWWWWLLLLLLL!!!" right into the closet! And Dad sat right up and said, "SSSHHHH NIMA, SHHHHHH!" And then I said, "HOOOWWWWLLLLLLL!!!" And he said it again, but quieter, "shhh, nima shhh." Which was good, because he was still calm and he still didn't forget me. And then he said I should come over to the bed and he let me lick his hand, because... well... I'm not sure why he did that, but maybe I'll figure it out if he does it again in his training tonight.

Because tonight I'm going to keep training Mom and Dad for my new baby sister or brother. Too-old-sneakers and pepper-oak might not have been lying to me, but if I get Mom and Dad trained well enough, then they won't be right either.

Right and not right

Something is happening and it is not right!

Some days I take Mom or Dad to the park – Actually I try to take them there everyday, but some days they get confused and pull me in the wrong direction. But that can be right too, because if I take them the other way then we walk past the place where I find all the alive tennis balls. And then I can take the tennis balls home and take care of them after I stop them from suffering the most… because it is not right to let them suffer. I keep them even when they aren’t alive any more, because they can still be fun. We play bouncy-ball with them and I’m the best (THE BEST) at catching them when Mom or Dad bounce them right. But not too long ago someone started making my tennis balls disappear from my house on purpose… and that is not right.

I don’t know how many tennis balls are in my house, because there are SO MANY! But I know all of them by name, and so I knew right away when some of them were gone. It was bushy-pollen-smell, and oily-dirt-smell, and dirty-pee-smell, and milky-corn-smell, and skunky. When I first noticed that they were gone I sniffed everywhere for them! At first I thought they would be under the couch, or under the chair upstairs, or under one of the box-closets that are up against the wall, because that’s the right place for my tennis balls to be when I am done playing with them. But I sniffed all of those places and they weren’t in any of them. And I knew they weren’t in the garbage, because I (Dad, don’t listen to this part)… becauws I smelll ther everiday wen my momanddad arent lookin evin thow it is not rite for me to do that. (Okay, you can listen again, Dad) And I knew they weren’t in the gutter outside the upstairs balcony because only margarine-colon-smell is in there. I lost him there a long time ago and I (Dad, you SHOULD listen to this part)… I still need Dad to climb out and get him. So I knew right away that my tennis balls were gone for real! They weren’t anywhere I could find them, and I’m the best (THE BEST!!!) at finding them. So that meant that someone made them gone on purpose. And that is not right!

That was also about the same time that deer-chicory moved into the other side of my house and then left me. So I thought maybe he took them, which would not be right! But I didn’t smell any of those tennis balls on him when he was over there, so I knew that was not right. And that was also about the same time that Dad got lost at the flying car place. So I thought maybe he had them with him, which would be all right. But I didn’t smell any of them on him that day or the day we went back and found him, so that was not right either. But then I DID smell them when we finally went to the park again! And that’s when I thought, ALL RIGHT!!!

It was when Dad and me were playing catch with all of the tennis balls at once like we like to do – even thought some people there don’t think that is right. Dad throws all the balls he can find down the hill and I chase after them and if he throws them just right I can catch them out of the air. And when he gets a bunch of balls down there he throws one and I chase it down and stop it. Then when I run back and he throws a ball the other way and I run past him and stop it. And we go back and forth until he runs out of all of the balls or I find one that smells too good to put back down… which is how I found skunky at the park!!! And because he was one of my missing tennis balls, I wanted to bring him back with me when we left – because it was my right! So when Dad put the rope back on us before we left the park, I carried him right out with me. But when we got outside the gate, Dad made me put him down and then threw skunky right back in the park! And I thought: THAT IS NOT RIGHT! WHY WOULD HE DO THAT?!

That's when I realized that all that means that DAD is what is happening to my tennis balls! He is taking them to the park and not letting me bring them back… on purpose!! And that is not right! It is not right at all!!

What matters most

I DID IT! I convinced Mom to go back to the flying car place and look for Dad… And it worked! I FOUND HIM!!!

And he was just standing outside not far from where we left him. I felt bad that he was lost all that time, but I’m glad he was still there! That was really smart – If you get lost, you should stay where you are or else you’ll end up somewhere different and no one will know to look for you there... It would have been even smarter if he had sniffed his way there. Then he wouldn’t have been lost at all, and he could have just followed all the right smells back home. But Dad has never been THAT smart.

And then we were all in my car together and Mom and Dad kissed, and then Dad scratched my head the way I like the most! And then we slow drove around the flying car place a while longer and then we drove home… which was disappointing because I still wanted to go to the beach near Santa Monica… AND even though he smelt like he had eaten some new food, he didn’t have any with him. So I guess that means you didn’t get to tell him that I wanted him to bring some home.

But if you do ever see or sniff him out there, you can STILL tell him to bring food home! Whatever kind there is the most of is still the best kind!!

And anyway, I found him. So now he’s not lost, and THAT is what matters the most.

And now THIS!

Now Dad is gone, too!

I remember where we left him last. It was yesterday and everyone got up early and in a big rush. And we got in my car, which I love so I was SO EXCITED! Because we go to the best places in my car and I could really use a change after deer-chicory left. I thought we should go somewhere nice and dig the most! And I hoped that we would go to the beach that is near Santa Monica, because I haven’t been there in FOREVER! And you can dig SO DEEP and then you can smell like stinky-ocean-food!! But instead we just went to the place with the big flying cars.

And we were driving really slowly, and then Dad kissed Mom and jumped out of the car. Then he was behind the car and he waved at me. And then he was gone. And Mom drove away really slowly. And I told her not to go without Dad, but she did anyway.

And Dad did not come back last night. And Dad is not here this morning. And I don’t know if he can even hear me tell him my blog post, but I miss him and want to tell him to come home now… and to take me to the beach near Santa Monica.

And if you see or sniff him out there somewhere, tell him to come home… Oh! And tell him to bring food home too. Whatever kind is the most is the best kind.

Boys

Boys are so hard! Why do they go away?!

Yesterday, I told you about my new forever-boyfriend, deer-chicory. And I told you how we kissed and slept together (What, Dad?... Why do I have to use that word in… Okay, whatever) … how we kissed and napped together. And how I love (LOVE!) him the most. But now he is gone!

He was SO NICE to me! Why would he leave me? He didn’t even say ANYTHING! So what happened?! He sniffed and licked me and let me run around him just like he cared the most! And we had the BEST nap -- I never felt so rested and he loved it too! Did you see our picture?

Look at his big smile! He is SO HAPPY!!! But now he is gone. I don't get it. This can’t be real!

Did I do something wrong? I can be a better girl-doggie-friend! I won’t spin and run around in circles so much. Or I can spin and circle more, if that’s what I should do. I can show my belly more… or less… just tell me what I am supposed to do!!

But why would you be SO NICE and SO HAPPY in front of me and then just leave?! What kind of forever-boyfriend are you? Not a very good one that’s for sure! You are a bad-boy-doggie and maybe you are the one that needs to change! Maybe you should try spinning or running in a circle for once! It’s like you weren’t even trying!! And you are blowing it, because everyone says I’m the cutest and sweetest doggie EVER!

*sigh*

Boys are so hard. Nobody knows what they want… especially boys. I don’t know why I have to love boys so much. It is not fair. And it is too hard. And it will always be like that! So what good is it? I feel small inside… I just want to be in my downstairs bed.

But… I guess… boys CAN be the nicest. And it was a really amazing day… And maybe it’s not anyone’s fault. Maybe relationships are just hard. And maybe next time, when we meet someone new, we’ll both know more that it won’t always be easy. And if we know that, then maybe it won’t be so hard either.

OMG!!!

Deer-chicory-smell just moved into the other side of my house!!

I didn't know it was going to happen. I didn't even know! I just went upstairs to lay on the best bed I can be on in my house, and deer-chicory was standing right outside my see-through wall way! And he was looking right back at me! And I thought maybe it was just a dream. Because I had a dream once -- not too long ago -- that I was sleeping. And ever since then I can't figure out if I woke up, or if I just dreamed I woke up and I'm still sleeping in my bed.

But it doesn't matter, because in your dream you still have to do something or else you're just wasting a dream. So when Mom opened the wall way, deer-chicory and me started playing right away!!! Mostly it was me playing, but deer-chicory liked it the way he usually does. He likes it the most when I run around in circles and jump down right in front of him, while he just stands there. IT WAS SOOO FUN!!!

And I can't believe he lives there now, but he totally does! Because we went over into the other side of my, um... our house, and we played inside. And Auntie Kristen and Uncle Zak were there, but deer-chicory's parents weren't. And I found an empty doggie food bowl and it smelled just like deer-chicory. So maybe Auntie Kristen and Uncle Zak are deer-chicory's new parents. I don't know. Who cares? I have a doggie neighbor and we love each other THE MOST EVER!!!!

And I know that's true because I made him kiss me and now Auntie Kristen says he's my boyfriend. And since I know that I have a forever-boyfriend living in the other side of our house, I realized I don't have to be so worried about having all of the fun right away. And so we laid down in our house and took a our first nap together. And I love (LOVE FOR REAL!!!) deer-chicory-smell SO MUCH!

And I can't believe he just moved into the other side of my house! It is totally like a dream or something.

I know

You're back! I missed you, SO MUCH!! You always go for SO LONG!! Where have you been? And why do you always smell like food I've never smelled before? What is going on?

You don't have to tell me. I already know what's going on.

I'm used to being left alone. I get left alone everyday. Sometimes I spend most of the day alone. And it feels like forever!!! It starts the same way every time. Peanut butter comes out, like I told you about before, and it uses Dad's voice to tell me to go downstairs. And I love (LOVE!!!) peanut butter so much, that even though I know exactly what is going to happen, I do just what peanut butter says anyway. And it must tell you to go away after I go downstairs, because that's what you always do. And then I'm all alone... waiting to see if you will come home and what you will smell like when you do... Because you always smell a little different when you come home. And that's the first part of how I figured out what was going on.

You smell like oily-saltiness, or you smell like sandy-ocean, or you smell a little bit like forest trees or garbage (it's true, Dad). But you always, always come home smelling like some kind of food I didn't get to try. You smell like some kind of cow-meat mixed with sweet potato, or like tomatoes mixed with bananas and cheese, or like citrus drizzled on leather... AND IT SMELLS SO GOOD, I WANT TO TRY ALL OF THOSE THINGS TOO! But I don't get to. And that's how I know you're out eating with someone else!

You are going places that you don't EVER take me to! And you are eating foods that you don't EVER feed me!! And I know you're allowed to go where you want and eat what you want and do what you want. But you can bring me to those places, too! And you can feed me those things, too!!

But you're not doing that. You're not bringing me and you're not sharing your foods with me, and I know why. I figured out the other part because just a little while after you're gone peanut butter is all gone too! You're out with peanut butter! You're taking peanut butter out to all the fun places and to eat all the fun foods!! And that's why peanut butter is always here again when you come back home.

And love (LOVE!!!) you SO MUCH!! But I know what's going on.