Wednesday, July 31, 2013


Dad brought home a new squeaking chew thing! And I LOVE it because even though chew things aren't alive they CAN have alive things inside of them. And those alive things want to get out.

You know how it happens... You hear the first squeak and you wonder how it got in there. But at the same time you feel like you should do something... No... It's more like the squeak tells you to do something... No... The squeak goes into your ears and takes over your whole body! Yeah, that's how it is! The squeak IS the alive thing inside and when it comes out it goes into you and it takes control! First, it goes straight to your neck and turns your head towards the chew thing. Then it makes your paws go to the chew thing. And you say, "Paws! Where are you going?!" But they don't answer. And then your front paws jump up and... **STOMP!!!** And you can only watch it happen while another squeak pops out and goes into your ears. And that one makes your neck bend your head down, pull your mouth open, and then... **CHOMP!!!** And another squeak pops out!!! And more and more squeaks pop out of the chew thing and they all go into your ears and they make you gnaw and stomp on the chew thing, so that more of the squeaks come out until finally they all get out and it finally stops... And just when you start to wonder what happened, you see that the last one must have gone into Dad's ear, because then he comes over and **STOMP!** another squeak come out and it starts all over again!!

And the chew thing that Dad brought home had so many (SO MANY!!!) squeaks inside of it! And it was the BEST because Dad and me had to keep stomping and chomping and gnawing to get them all out. And even though the squeaks made us do it, I had the most fun because I got to chew the hardest, and because Dad and me took turns, but I am the one that could get out the most squeaks! And now that the squeaks are all out, I still can keep the chew thing. And later I will gnaw on it some more and wonder where they all went.

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

You're invited

Okay, I'm not going to talk about this every time it happens, but I AM going to talk about it again today, because I just got back from Doggie Goddess and it is still the BEST PLACE EVER!!!!! It is the Best!!! It is the Best!!! It is THE BEST!!!

Hey! You should come to Doggie Goddess with me!!! Oh!!! We can have a big party!!! I'm going to invite all of my grandmas and my grandpas, and Mom and Dad, and Uncle Zak and Auntie Kristen, and pee-smell, and salmon-ginger-smell, and sugar-cage-smell, and stinky, and everyone else I know! And if you're reading my blog then you are invited, too!!! And BigFunGuy will be there and so will ReallyFunLady, because they are always there!

And we will sing bark-songs, and we will splash the water, and we will spin real fast, and we will play pee-ball! And it will be the first ever game of pee-ball where the people know how to play right. And it will be AMAZING!!!

Oh! And if you are a people, you can bring FOOD!!! Doggies can't bring food, because we always eat all of it before we get anywhere. And that's why it is ALWAYS good to have people, because people ALWAYS still have food.

And when we're done, we're going to be SOOOO tired. Because it was SOOOO much fun ALL! DAY! LONG!!! And then we're going to want to take a LONG nap. And that is where I'm going now, because I just got back from there and I am already SOOOO tired! You can take a long nap too, if you want to, because you're invited.

Monday, July 29, 2013

All day

Okay, seriously. Where do you people go all day?

After I get peanut butter, you are gone. I get that part... Okay, I love that part! But after that both you AND peanut butter are gone and I HATE that part!!

If I were you, I would go to the park or to Doggie Goddess. But when you come home, you don't smell like those places or any other place that I've been. So you must go to a place I have never met. And it must be the greatest place EVER, because why else would you go there so much? I would LOVE to go there the MOST! I WISH YOU WOULD TAKE ME THERE!!!

But maybe you don't take me there on purpose. Maybe I wouldn't like it there... Or maybe there wouldn't like me first! Why would you go to a place that doesn't like me?! I HATE that place! I WISH YOU DIDN'T GO THERE!!!

Are there other doggies where you go? Are you in another pack without me?! You are wrong to be in two packs!! Why would you be against me?! I WISH YOU WOULD STAY AWAY FROM OTHER PACKS!!!

Or maybe it is a place that is safe for people but not for dogs,... like the place that gave me my neck-cone that one time. If that is where you go, you can leave me home every time!!! I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN TO THAT PLACE!!!

Or maybe I don't want to know where you go all day. Maybe it means things that can only make sense to people... like why you would want to stare at a flat noisy picture on a wall... or not eat all the food on your plate... or not eat all the food in the house! I WISH I COULD EAT FOOD RIGHT NOW!!!

What's that sound? Are you opening the door now? ARE YOU HOME! I WISH YOU WOULD OPEN THE GATE, ALREADY!!!

Oh, I guess that wasn't the door...

Seriously, where do you people go all day?

Sunday, July 28, 2013

Taking turns

Hey, Dad, I want to try something new in my blog.

Okay. What did you have in mind?

I want to do a thing where we talk to each other.

Oh, okay, you mean like a conversation or a dialog. We can do that.

A convo-what? 

A conversation. That's when two or more people talk to each other.

Then what's a dialup?

It's dialog -- it sounds like the tree-part. That's where you have just two people talking to each other.

Then why don't you just call it talking to each other? Why do people make words so hard? Neither of those words sound like people talking to each other. And why do you have so many different sounding words for the same thing?

Well... sometimes words come from different places. Like "conversation" comes from Latin. Here, let me look it up...

Wait, wait, wait... What is Latin?

Oh, Latin is a really old language that a lot of today's words come from. Nobody really speaks Latin anymore, but a lot of other languages take words from it. Like...

Wait... there's more than one people language?! How many languages are there?

Hmmm... I don't know. Let me look that up... Here, Wiki.answers says there's about 6,900 different languages. But it also says it's hard to say exactly because some people might not agree that they're all different languages.

How many is sixty-nine-hunders?

It's a lot. It's more different languages than there are bits of food in your dinner bowl when I feed you.

Is it dinner time, now?!!!


Can it PLEASE be dinner time, now?


How about snack-time? Can it be snack-time, now?


Okay, fine. Never mind.
Okay, let me ask you this. If there are so many languages, then there are probably lots of different words for EVERYTHING, right?

Yeah, that sounds right.

I mean, you just said there's three different ways to say, "talking to each other." And that's all just from one language.

Yeah, and there's more than just three ways to say it in my language.

So there could be a whole big bag of dogfood amount of words that all mean the same thing but sound different, right? Why do you need so many different ways to say one thing?

That's a good question. You're a smart doggie!


So there are a lot of different languages because people got spread apart and then lost touch with each other.

Like, when I lost my first Mom and Dad?

Yeah, like that. Only, people got spread apart for a long time.  So long that they forgot about each other, and when they learned new things, or made up words for things that they thought were better words, they couldn't tell the people they had lost touch with. But they could still teach them to their kids. And when their kids grew up and then had their own kids they could teach them the new word. And when...

Wait... this means I can make up words!!!


I mean, you said before I can use more people words in my blog, so people can read it better. But people words are just made up. And sometimes they're not the best way to say something. So I should just make up better words, so that people will know them too!

I mean you could, but sometimes what you call things sound a lot like other things and it might be hard for people who don't know what you mean to understand. Like when you used to call the park the "outside open place" and call the balcony upstairs, the "upstairs outside place."

Well, how do people know when they've made up a better new word for something?

In the end, you only know when other people say they like it, and then start using it more than the old word. But sometimes a good place to start is if your new word is made up of other old words that each mean part of what you're trying to say. 


Like the word, "conversation." It comes from Latin, which is really old. So someone used old Latin words to make something that means talking to each other.  Let me look it up...


Here. It says in Latin, they used the "con" part of the word in words where you're bringing things together... And it says, that the other part, "versation" came from the word, "versatio," which means turning. So "conversatio" literally meant taking turns together...  

OH, I GET IT!!! So people decided that it was a better way to say talking to each other, because it meant they had to taking turns when they did it... We should try doing THAT in my blog!!!

Chew things

I just can't stand it!

Sometimes being a doggie is hard. I know what it takes to be safe and how a pack is supposed to do, but my people don't always do the right rules or listen to my actions.

Every time I go for a walk with Mom, Dad, and now Grandma, I show them how sniffing is the best way to keep from getting lost... how each street smells different even when they can look the same. I even stop and point the longest at the smelliest bits so that they can sniff it for themselves. But they just don't get it! So I leave more of my own pee smell along the way, but they don't sniff that either or even leave their own smells, so what good is that?!

I know what you are going to say... You have to let people do some of the learning on their own. But this is too important! They are going to get lost again for a long time! I know I'm supposed to let them go out on their own, but they don't use good actions. So then I know that they are going to get themselves hurt and it will hurt me SO BAD on my inside at the same time!!!

And I can hear you already... Sometimes, no matter what you do -- even when you do all the right rules and actions -- you can get hurt or you can be hurt on your inside if others in your pack get hurt doing the right rules and actions. And when I know that again I don't feel as tight, but I also don't feel as sure.

And that makes me want to chew something SO MUCH!!! But there is none of the chew things in the downstairs anymore, and I just can't stand it!

Saturday, July 27, 2013

Being re-tired

Grandma is here!

I have two grandmas but this is the one who lets me dig as much as I want. She also rubs my head the best! And she laughs no matter what I do.

Dad says she is re-tired now, but she looks nice and rested to me. (It means what, Dad? How does it mean that?!) So retired is another word that makes no sense. If it was just about when you were done working forever, then it should be called too-tired, or done-at-last, or i-quit. Also everyone keeps talking about what she will do next, so it doesn't sound like she is done at all. Maybe we should say that she is refreshed, or restarted, or not-working-there-anymore.

The way people talk about work makes no sense, too. Mom and Dad sometimes talk about work like it is a place they go to, but sometimes they are right here and say they are at work. And when they are at work here, it looks like they are doing the same things they do when they say that they are not working: They just stare, and rub, and tap their tap-boxes, and sometimes they talk into their hand boxes. So work is just doing stuff you always do wherever you are. Maybe it is different because when you are working and you get sleepy you don't take a nap. I see Mom and Dad do that a lot. And I can see why that would make you tired. But if you are done not taking naps forever then you shouldn't be re-tired. I think grandma can only be re-tired if she goes back to work after she i-quit.

Friday, July 26, 2013


I FOUND DAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I didn't post this morning because Dad was still not back and I felt SO BAD that I didn't find him on my walk with Mom this morning. And I knew for the first time that he was gone forever and I sank inside and then I sang sad-bark songs.

And then Mom told me through peanut butter that it was time to go "Downstairs!" So I did, because peanut butter is still the best. And then peanut butter said, "Okay." And I ate peanut butter, because it said it was okay. And then Mom was gone the way she and Dad used to be gone. And then I knew that Mom was saying that it was time to move on. And I knew she was right. And so I didn't sing sad-bark songs anymore, and after a while I fell asleep.

AND THEN I FOUND DAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I woke up when I heard a sound at the top of the stairs and I came up and I found him RIGHT THERE!!!! And I thought: I don't know why I didn't look there first!!! AND I WAS THE HAPPIEST I EVER WAS, EVER!!!! And he opened the gate and stood on his knees, and I tried my hardest to push myself inside of his chest because I MISSED HIM SO MUCH!!! And I knew he felt the same way because he wrapped his arms around me so I felt like I was all the way inside and IT WAS THE BEST PLACE I HAVE EVER BEEN, EVER!!! And later when Mom came home I saw them do the same thing, and it made me SO SUPER HAPPY!!! But for some reason I felt sad-bark songs at the same time, and I don't know why that is.

But I found Dad. And that's all that matters the most!

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Dadless, day two or three?

Dad is still missing, and I think I was missing too!

Yesterday BigFunGuy took me to the Doggie Goddess place again! And it was my favorite because I never go two days in a row and I had SO MUCH FUN(!!!) that I forgot that Dad was missing. And I feel really bad about that. And this is what happened...

Sometimes I stay at Doggie Goddess place and don't come home, and that's what just happened to me. When I got there, I played, and sang, and napped, and ran, and played all day long! And then BigFunGuy didn't put me in his car when he left. And ReallyFunLady said I can stay and she gave me food, and a bed, and she started bedtime, and then I was asleep, because I was already SO sleepy. And when I woke up I was still there! And I got to play all over again and it was A! M! A! Z! I! N! G!!!!! And it was so amazing that I forgot that Dad was missing. And I forgot to look for him, or to ask anyone if they smelled him anywhere.

And today BigFunGuy put me in his car with the other doggies and took us each back to our homes. And I came in and no one was there and that's when I remembered again that Dad was lost. And I wondered if he found home and left again or just never found home at all. Because I was gone a long time too and I don't know if he came home and saw that I was missing and left to look for me. And I sang a sad-bark song before I fell asleep because I was too tired to start looking for him. Also because BigFunGuy closed the gate at the top of the stairs that I don't know how to open. And later Mom came home and fed me. And we played bouncy ball. And I caught the ball the best! And it made me forget again to look for Dad. And now I feel really bad again because there is still no Dad, and now Mom is starting bedtime without Dad!! WTF!!! (I think that's how I'm supposed to say that.)

So if you see Dad looking for me, tell him that I'm home and he can stop looking for me. And if he is lost tell him that he is lost, that home is here, and he should come home. And I'm going to take Mom looking for him in the morning if he is not back when we go out for our walk. And this time I will find him and I will make sure he takes the rope and holds it even when we are back home so that he will never get lost for so long again EVER!

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Dadless, day one?


When I went to Doggie Goddess yesterday, he was still here. Sometimes when the BigFunGuy brings me back, Mom and Dad are not home, so I try not to worry and I'm so sleepy anyway. They always come home sometime, so I just went to sleep. But I woke up when Mom came home and THERE WAS NO DAD!!! And it was already late and Mom started bedtime without him even here yet!!

WHERE IS DAD?! It is the morning now and he is not here!!! Oh, why did you not learn to sniff your way when I showed you?? DAD, I WILL FIND YOU!!! I WILL NOT STOP SEARCHING UNTIL YOU ARE FOUND! I WILL... Oh, BigFunGuy is here again. I gotta go!

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Call it what you want

Today BigFunGuy came again and took me my favorite place EVER!!! I call it the happy doggie place, but Dad says it is called Doggie Goddess and that sounds right too. And when I go to Doggie Goddess, I play pee-ball, and this is what that means...

Pee ball is played with the ball that people call a tennis ball even though it is not what ten is. To win the game you want to keep the ball all for yourself. Everyone wants the ball so they come to take it from you. You can do anything you want to keep it, but if they stop you and make you feel smaller than them, then you have to pee on the ground, roll in the pee, and give up the ball. After that you can chase after the doggie that picks up the ball to stop them and take it again so that you will have it all for yourself. Doesn’t that sound like the best game EVER!!!

There are lots of ways to be good at pee-ball. You can be the fastest, or the strongest, or the meanest doggie. You can also take the ball and hide with it, or you can bury it. Once a doggie tried to eat it!! That would be a way to win too, but I only like to eat food that is food. Sometimes I run with the ball, and I can be fast, but I am not the fastest. The fastest is sugar-cage-smell. He is really skinny and I say he is shaped like speed itself. Sometimes I hide with the ball. But mostly someone finds me because there aren't really good hiding places at Doggie Goddess. So I have to get up and run again, or try to be mean. But I am not the best at meanness. So mostly I run just far enough, then I wait, then I run again some more. Dad says this is called strategy. I say you can call it what you want, but it is still pee-ball.

A better place

The other day, Mom and Dad and me went on a long walk. I love (LOVE!!!) walking with Mom and Dad because mixes up exciting and scary. I never know where we're going when we go out and neither do they. Most days are good days. I'm able to keep them on the right path so don't get lost. In the morning when they still have their their sleepy steps and don't want to go to far anyway, it's not a problem. Other times, though... You know how you're supposed to sniff everything as you go, so you can find your way back the easiest? They never do that. That must be why they can get lost for so long when I'm not with them.

So the other day, we went down to the beach and I sniffed the whole way down. I try to show them that sniffing is the best way, because any street can look like another street, but different doggies live on each street, so the streets always have the different pee-smells. The beach is a little tricky because it can be different doggies on different days, so the smells change a lot more. But it can still be easy too, because you always have the ocean water on one side and that smells like stinky food (one of my favorites!!!).

But then we left the beach and onto the log-floor place... It's called a what, Dad? A pee-er?! Do people... No? Okay... ...we left the beach and onto the pier place. And it was full of people I never smelled before, and there were a lot of them! I don't know the last time you were short like me, but when you get into a big people crowd, all you can see are knees that are all short walking... Oh? Okay... shuffling the same. Knees don't all look the same. They can come in different colors and can have different shapes. Some look like faces, and others like butts, but none of them are very friendly, so we shuffled right past them. We left the pier place and shuffled up a long hill of slow knees until we got back to a totally different street. See! This is exactly how Mom and Dad get lost!! We walked on more crowded streets with dog-pee smells that said that they did not live there either...

One thing you might not know about dog-pee-smells is that you use a different smell when you want to say something different. If you live on your street you pee, "This is my street!" If you are visiting, you pee, "Nima was here," ...but you should use your own name, not mine, unless you are me. If you ate something that gave you powers, you could also pee about that. Everyone wants to know about that!!

So we walked a long-time on this crowded people street with lots of knee-faces and knee-butts and only visitor dog smells. When I saw another doggie, I could tell he or she was worried about his people too. This was a street full of lost people! Some people tried to make the best of it. They found food and were eating it (always very smart!). Some people just stood there and sang people songs, because they didn't know it wouldn't help them. And I saw a big group of other people screaming when they saw someone in the middle jumping around a lot. At first I thought that guy must have been lost on the inside too, but then he would stop and make everyone laugh, then scream, then laugh. And I think he was just hoping they would give him some food, because that is what I do when I go to a party.

Finally, Mom and Dad must have realized that this was a lost place and decided it would be better to leave and hope to find a better place than to stay where they knew they were lost. We left down a totally different street that was not the one we came in on (that is a bad idea when you are lost!), but at least there were fewer knee-faces and knee-butts so I could finally see trees and other street parts. After walking more, we got REALLY lucky, because I recognized the pee-smell of a near home street!! We weren't lost anymore!!! And later when we found home, and I was so happy (SO HAPPY!!!) that I got everyone back safe. And after all of that Mom and Dad didn't even pet me a thank you. But I didn't care. I was just so happy to be home and I knew that home -- even if it is not as perfect as Flagstaff, AZ -- was the most better place I could be.

Sunday, July 21, 2013

Words worth waiting for

Yesterday, Dad and I wrote about words that made no sense. But I didn't want you to think that I thought that there weren't any words that make sense. Some words make the most sense! Here are some of my favorites ever!!!

  • Bark. YES! It sounds just like it is. Also it is the name for the outside of a tree. At first I didn't get this, but then I saw (noticed? Oh, like NOTES!) But then I noticed that the outside of a tree feels just like a bark sounds. Great job, people!!!
  • Noticed. I just learned this one. But it is like notes, which you make to remember things, and also like you use to sing. So it is like you want to make sure you don't forget something so that you can sing about it later!
  • Rawhide. This is the name for the tasty-chew-bone that is SO GOOD and I LOVE IT THE MOST!!! I like the people name even better, because when you're halfway done you want to hide it. Also because "Raw" just sounds great! I want to bark like this word sounds!!!
  • Park is also a great word and much better than "outside open place". The park is where everyone goes to play and bark, so that just makes so much sense!
  • Okay! Especially, when Peanut Butter says it to me.
  • Food. I said it yesterday too, but I didn't want you to forget that you can bring me some. Also, Dad says that food is spelled alot like good. And that just makes sense, because they mean the same thing to me .
  • Gopee... What's that Dad? It's two words? "Go" and "Pee"? Huh, I never got that before. Well then I guess just "pee."
  • Pee. Because I only hear this word when I am allowed to do it. And that makes it a word worth waiting for.

Saturday, July 20, 2013

Just words

Dad says that since I'm writing a blog that people can read that I can use more people words for things. People words don't always make sense (like why is a "couch" called that? It's long and you use it for sitting or lying down on, but when you're sitting on it you are not couching it, are you?) But he says he can help me find the people words when they don't make sense to me and then you can read my blogs better. But for now, here are more words that make no sense:

  • A tree is supposed to be the tall outside things. I would call them tall-rounders, or boy-dog-pee-posts.
  • Rackets are supposed to be the round-sticks that people use to play with the tennis balls. But making a racket doesn't mean you're making one of them. And if you're running a racket you're also not running one of these.
  • Telephone pole. First, it looks more like a tree. Second, what is a telephone?
  • Tennis ball. I know this one because Mom and Dad use it all the time for the thing that I love the most. I think ten is supposed to be a number, but this word says that ten is a ball. So is ten a number or is it a ball?
  • Chair. What about the word "chair" sounds like it is something to sit on? It sounds more like something you should breath when you are cold.
  • A log is supposed to be part of a tree. So why is it not just called tree-part?
  • Kitchen. This is the room where Mom and Dad drop food, so food-room would be better. It could also be called people-bark room, because that's all I hear when I go in there.
  • Food. Actually, I love this word the most. Food is so awesome, it doesn't even need to be a word and I would love it the most! I just mention it because I wanted to say that if you meet me, please bring food. (Every kind is my favorite.)
  • Blog. It sounds like log, but has nothing to do with trees or tree parts, or even telephone poles. It is just words, so that's what it should be called.

Friday, July 19, 2013

I can find them

There is a place near my house where you can find tennis balls if you are good at finding, like I am. It is not the open place where anyone can find tennis balls because people leave the dead ones there. The tennis balls I find are alive and they are hiding from me and from people too. And I will tell you why and I will tell you what you can do...

Next to the place where the alive tennis balls go to hide is a flat place where people play one of the people games with them. It is not pee-ball, but it is played with the same ball, and it looks like SO MUCH FUN!!! People take the alive tennis balls and hit them the hardest they can with a round-flat stick so that they go SO FAST!!! I want to play it, too, but the flat place is too far down and is behind a fence and Dad won't let go of the rope so he will not get lost. So I sit and watch them play their game and I hope that they will tell Dad and me how I can get down there so I can play next too! Then they can show me how to play their game, but first I would show them how to play pee-ball, because it is the most fun ever!

But the place where I find the alive tennis balls is where they hide from the people when they can get away from them. They hide in the thickest short-stick-bunches next to the flat place. And they hide as deep in as they can get so they will not be found. And people can't find them because the tennis balls get too deep and they are the same color as the short-stick-bunches. And because people have small noses and can't smell them. And they have flat ears and can't hear the alive ones hissing. And the alive ones hiss all of the time, because they are already dying. They were dying even before the people game started, and that is why they are hiding from everyone!

But I try to find them and make them stop hissing right away so that they will not be dying anymore. When I smell them and hear them, I pull hard on my Dad even though he is afraid he will get lost. Dad, I found him! And I can get him if... you... will... just... let go... a little bit! I got him!!! Then I bite him the hardest so that he will not be dying anymore the quickest. Then I carry him home.

Tennis balls are my favorites, because they make pee-ball so fun (SO FUN!!!). So I take care of them even after they are not dying anymore. And they are still fun in pee-ball and I bet they would still be fun in round-flat-stick ball. So if you want, I can find them and stop them dying anymore first, and then you can still use them in your games too.

Thursday, July 18, 2013

People can be smart, too.

Yesterday I learned that people can be smart, too. I mean smart in a smart way... Not in the way that they can do things you can't, like reach the flip thing that makes light come and go, or reach under the sit things and get the tennis ball out, or turn the round thing that makes the door open. That's just being tall and having paws that can wrap around stuff. Sometimes people are smart because they know stuff you didn't - like what to do when you are feeling too much.

Yesterday, I ate stuff to make me sick and give me powers, but I got them at the wrong time. I got them after bedtime started and I was messing it up because I couldn't stop feeling too much... You know how when you're feeling too much how you have to lick tickle-things to make it feel less much? In the car, you can lick the soft seats, and in my house you can lick the fuzzy ground. But I did that last night when I was feeling TOO too much, but licking wasn't enough to make it go away!

I heard Mom first, she said my licking wasn't right. Dad said he would "look it up" and then he took me upstairs... I know what "looking" is, and I know what "up" is, but Dad didn't do either. Instead he went to his tapping box (NOT HELPING, DAD!!!). But then he must have known again what Mom said because then he took me outside just before my inside came out.

And even after my inside came out, I was still feeling too much! I kept licking what I could find to make more tickles, but it wasn't enough. That is when Dad showed me that he can be smart about real stuff and is not just tall with paws that wrap around things... Dad took me back inside when I didn't want to go there, and got something out of the big food box that hums and sometimes chirps. It was ginger-smelled, but my powers made it TOO MUCH too and I didn't want it at all -- even though I love all food the most!!! But then Dad told me through peanut butter that I had to eat it, so I did because peanut butter said so. Then my powers went away all at once and that's when I knew that people know smart things too.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

More or less

Yesterday Mom gave me a tasty-chew-bone that is so good (SO GOOD!!! MOM, I LOVE IT THE MOST!!!). And I took it and went far away from Mom and Dad in case they wanted it back, because I wanted it to be just for me. But I couldn’t finish it when it was too much. And I still wanted it SO BAD!!! And I didn’t want anyone to find it and think they should have it and not me! I needed to dig and be able to hide it and protect it, but there was nowhere!... In my house I can’t dig into the ground, because it is too hard. So if I have something I need to keep away from everyone, there is no place for it and I can lose it. And that can make me feel small and less and it makes me sing my sad-bark song to myself.

I am a doggie that lives in a people world. In a doggie world, I would not live inside my house that I have now -- with its hard ground, and wall-ways that I can’t open because my paws can't wrap around the round things that need to turn first. And because I would live in Flagstaff, AZ (my favorite EVER!!!) and run, and chase those little grey guys with fluffy tails, and play all day long! Sometimes when I can’t do things, I feel like I'm less. But when I go to the outside places, sometimes I can do things that make me feel more again. I can run alot, and I can catch the fast tennis balls out of the air, and I can DIG!

Digging is the thing that makes me feel more the most.

When you dig, you feel powerful. You are making the ground move away for you. You can be inside of it and you can take its cool and make it yours. And you can also take its smells out and wear them as your smell-name. In the outside open place, in my Grandma’s back yard, and at the beach that is near Santa Monica, I can dig and dig and DIG!!! And I can feel powerful the most! And I can be all better and know again that Mom and Dad never take my tasty-chew-bone away anyway. So I will still have it always even though my house is not my best house ever. And then I know that it is my house that is less and not me and I feel all the way more again.

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Bad Luck

Dad closes the gate at the top of the stairs when he makes me go to bedtime at night or when Peanut Butter tells him to do it in the morning and... You know how people have small noses and can't smell things too good? I think this is why he can't smell the stinky thing in the garbage that needs to come out. At least he does not smell it so loud that he cannot fall asleep. Like me.

Stinky thing, I'm sorry they put you in the throw away garbage before you were all the way dead. It is not your fault and I want to help you! I come upstairs when I smell you and I want to find you and pull you out and shake you and chew you up so that you will not be suffering anymore ever. And then I will be so happy for you!! But Dad closed the gate and I don't know how to open it. I try looking for you in the garbage when I can be upstairs. But Mom and Dad keep people-barking at me and so that I have to stop. Soon they will tie up the bag and will take it away when you are still not all of the way dead. I'm singing my sad-bark song for you, stinky thing.

Stinky thing, I need you to stop stinking out loud. It is not my fault you are still in the garbage and not all of the way dead. When I do fall asleep, you are making my dreams smell loud too and I am feeling bad for you in them. And then I wake up and can't fall back asleep until I pull things out of the downstairs throw away garbage that are not even stinky. It's not helping you. I just need to feel better so I can fall back asleep.

When I was still a puppy I used to try real hard to show Mom and Dad that there were stinky things that were stinking out loud. I would pull everything out of the garbage and spread it across the floor for them to smell it all at once and see the stinky thing that I helped not suffer anymore ever. But they would just put everything back in the throw away garbage and not pet me for a good job. That was how I figured out that small noses can't smell the stinky things until they are screaming their smells so loud (SO LOUD!!!). So it's not their fault either. Stinky thing, you just have bad luck.

Sleeping is just sleeping

I don't do "bedtime." I know the idea... All doggies know the idea. People make it really clear what the idea is. Bedtime is when people go to bed to sleep all at one time and want doggies to do the same.

Sleeping is awesome. I love (LOVE!!!) to sleep. It is one of the four most best experiences there are in the whole world (the others are eating until you are all the way full, catching a tennis ball out of the air, and getting the stinky thing out of the garbage). But bedtime is not the same, and not even anywhere as good, as sleeping.

The idea I want people to know is that bedtime makes alot of trouble out of sleeping when sleeping is so easy and good all by itself! Here is what I mean: When it is time for bedtime, Dad calls me. I have to stop whatever I am doing -- WHICH IS BEING UPSTAIRS, ALREADY SLEEPING IN THE BEST BED IN MY HOUSE -- and come to him. Then we go outside to the quiet pee place behind my house and I have to pee while he just stands there... There's plenty of room in the quiet pee place for Dad to pee too. But people only pee one at a time. So he has to wait until we're back inside, so that he's sure Mom isn't peeing when he would be peeing. So when I am done, we go back inside and then we go down to the bedroom, where I have to wait FOREVER for Mom and Dad to pee one at a time, AND THEN finish playing with the water in the sinks, AND THEN finish playing with the minty sticks in their faces, before they finally go to bed. Then they stay in the bed for a long, long nap, and, after the sun is up for a long time already, they get out of bed. They pee one at a time again. They play in the water again. And then that is when bedtime is over. It only happens once a day and if you mess it up you are done anyway until the next day. And all of that is way too much because all you need to do is just sleep.

And I want to tell people that sleeping is the easiest and best thing to do. Sleeping can happen anywhere, at anytime, and you can do it for as long or as short as you are asleep. You can sleep on any floor! You can sleep with your head on someone's foot! You can sleep in dirt and mud and while other doggies are running and singing and playing pee-ball! (Or at least some doggies can. I can never miss pee-ball!!!) Sleeping is wonderful and awesome and if you aren't doing it like this then you are ruining it with your rules and times that aren't about sleeping at all! WE SHOULD ALL JUST LET SLEEPING BE SLEEPING! Also if you would not wake me up to tell me it is my bedtime that would be the best.

Monday, July 15, 2013

House Play

No! Tennis Ball, No! Why did you have to go on the low table? You know I'm not allowed to get at things on the low table! Now I have to sing my sad bark-song to myself.

Yay Mom! PLEASE get the tennis ball! It was bad, not me. Oh! Yeah, Mom! Bouncy tennis ball!!! I'm gonna play this the best this time! The BEST!!! I... can't... seem... to... catch... it... I GOT IT!!! I'M THE BEST, EVER!!!

Mom you are being so funny! How can you say my name in such a high voice?!! You are SO CRAZY, I have to run fast now... so fast... SO FAST!!! WaaaAAAaaatch... meeEEEeee... runnnNNNnnn... arrrRRRrrrounnnNNNnnd... theeeEEEeee... bigggGGGggg... coooOOOooouch!!! WAIT!!!! Did you just say, "BOUGH!" I'm ducking!!! "Say it again!" You are SO FUNNY! Chase me up the stairs now Mom! Oh you said, "BOUGH!" again. I'm ducking, Mom, I'm ducking! I can say it too!

HOLD ON! STOP EVERYTHING! Did I just hear Peanut Butter? I have to go now.

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Photo Dog Blog

After I didn't know what to feel, I was thinking about old stuff, and I remembered that I told you about how I moved to Santa Monica. Then Dad found our pictures, and I wanted to share them in my blog.

It was a long ride and we kept trying lots of places to see if they were Santa Monica.  Here's what we looked like on the ride part. That's my Mom on the right and my Dad on the left. I'm riding in the back, because that's how I roll.

This is where we stayed the first night (in a house with a lot of tiny rooms near a place that we called Dayton, OH). I was so happy to be on the ground again.

But then we were on the road again. Goodbye Ohio. Hello someplace we called Indiana.

At first I thought everyone in Indiana lived in big red houses and had these HUGE yards. And I wished Santa Monica was in Indiana.

This is what I look like when I'm trying not to get car-sick. I did a really good job at not getting car sick, so I looked kind of like this the whole time.

Eventually I learned that people in Indiana also lived in big buildings with tiny rooms. I wasn't as impressed as before.

So then we headed towards a place called St. Louis. Mom was tired of driving, so my Dad, who was my photographer, had to drive and he didn't get any pictures of St. Louis... so he sucks a little bit.

This where we entered the place called Illinois. It looks just like Indiana (the part without the big buildings and tiny rooms).

This is where we tried a place we called Missouri. It had been SOOOO long since I'd seen another real dog...

Another day, another big building with tiny rooms. This time in Springfield, MO.

This is me... Still not getting car sick!

The place called Oklahoma wasn't so bad. It just wasn't as nice as Maryland, West Virginia, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Missouri, or anywhere else we saw on the whole trip.
Except for the parts of Texas we saw... Oklahoma was just as nice as Texas.

This is the big river that leads to Albuquerque. I've made pee puddles that are wetter than this... Hey, I'm just sayin'

This is Dad screwing up my Albuquerque Hotel photo

Seriously Dad?! A friggin' pole coming out of my head?!

Texas really did suck. I don't know what "degrees" are but Dad said there were hundreds of them. We did not take any photos in Texas.

I would like to just pause here for a minute to say that we all got along amazingly well for spending five days in one car together.

Scratch that.

Arizona had real trees for a minute. Sorry you can't smell this picture. Flagstaff, AZ had best smells EVER!!! I love Flagstaff, AZ more than any other place on this planet.

That's California past the white bridge. It turns out that between the eastern border of California and the coast itself, California is really ugly.

This is my street in Santa Monica now. It actually looks nice... Nicer than Texas, and Oklahoma, and most of Arizona, New Mexico, Missouri, Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania, West Virginia, and Maryland. Flagstaff, AZ is still my most favorite ever.

Okay... Santa Monica is almost as good as Flagstaff, AZ.

Sometimes I don't know what to feel

Yesterday I saw the doggie that is trying to be my fuzin. He was on the street and I was out on the downstairs open place in my house which is still way higher than the street. He was tied to Uncle Zak, which is how I knew him right away and I started to get angry at him already! He was also with salmon-wheat-smell who is my friend from next door and who was tied to his person too. I could see that my fuzin is not big at all so I am going to be the big cuzin for sure! So then I was going to sing my angry song to him so that he would know that too.

But then I saw that he was afraid...

Sometimes doggies get afraid when a big doggie is being mean to them. And sometimes doggies are afraid when the sky-clap sounds are really loud, or bad people makes really loud clap sounds. But salmon-wheat-smell was not being mean and there were no clap sounds when I was seeing fuzin. I looked harder at fuzin and I sniffed real hard. Even from where I was I could smell that he was afraid because he was hurt and because other people and dogs had hurt him alot before. He was afraid that doggies and people would hurt him forever. That made me angry at people who I don't know when I always love people so much (SO MUCH!!!) before I even meet them. And it made me confused because I started to like fuzin when I thought I was going to be angry at him. And it made me want to be his cuzin for real.

That's why I decided to change my mind and make him my friend. And since we will live in the same house we will be able to spend lots of time in the upstairs outside place together, and play toss, and chase, and have sleep overs, and play pee-ball. And I will never be lonely again ever!!! And then I got happy and waggy. And I wanted to sing my happy song down to him so that he would know that too. And later whenever I went past the door to the other side of my house where Auntie Kristen and Uncle Zak stay, I stopped and sniffed and waited for them to open the door so I could meet my new cuzin.

But today my Dad said that my new cuzin couldn't stay. He said that he was hurt too bad and had to go to get Therapies and find a home with no stairs and can't stay with Auntie Kristen and Uncle Zak. And I was confused again because I stay with Uncle Zak and Auntie Kristen sometimes and they are the best Auntie and Uncle. And all the doggies have fun when they come visit them. And then I remembered that I wouldn't get to meet my new cuzin, or play chase, or have sleep overs with him forever! And then I was lonely and I wanted to sing my sad-lonely song to myself. And then my Dad said that it's been a tough run for my cuzin and auntie and uncle, but that Therapies means that he'll get the right kind of care that he needs and he won't be afraid forever anymore. And he said that this is because Auntie Kristen and Uncle Zak found out how bad he had been hurt before. And so it was a good thing and so that made me happy again (SO HAPPY!!!).

And that made me confused because it didn't make sense that I would be happy that I was alone and that he was hurt so bad... so sometimes I don't know what to feel.

Friday, July 12, 2013

What I know about water...

Sitting in the downstairs again (AGAIN!) and listening to water drip out of the spray thing has me thinking about water all day.

Here is what I know about water. Water is amazing and weird, but it is not my friend. But I should start with the basics. There are at least four kinds of water:

  • Water in the bowl.
  • Water that comes out of that spray thing.
  • Water in the creek.
  • Water in the ocean.

Water can be the biggest or smallest thing. (Except for water in the bowl. That kind of water can never be bigger than the bowl.) It can be powerful and take away your smell-name -- like when Dad puts me in the big hard bowl and uses the water from the spray thing to take my smell-name away. And Dad that makes me mad and you should STOP DOING IT!!!

Water in the bowl is the most important kind, because I can drink it when I'm thirsty and I can get Mom and Dad to fill it back up just by sitting next to it. Also I can splash the ones at the open place when I need the dry ground to get muddy and then I can lie down in the mud to get my smell-name back.

Water in the creek is the most fun kind because there is so much, and I can find other doggies in it. And we can pee in it and drink it at the same time! And sometimes people throw tennis balls in it, and I can try to get the tennis ball and play pee-ball. And some doggies can go all the way out and get the ball, but I can't go past my chest, because I don't know how to make my legs go longer.

But water in the ocean is the most different. There is so much of it (SO MUCH!). But it tastes bad so I can't drink it. It smells like food, but I can't eat it. And it moves... IT MOVES ALL BY ITSELF!!! I think it is Alive Water. And it tries to get me, so I back away so it can't reach all the way to me. But then Mom and Dad throw my tennis ball in it (ARE ALL PEOPLE CRAZY?!). And I want it back, but the Alive Water grabs it and tries to make me come after it so it can grab me too... But then it throws the ball back to me and I think maybe Alive Water just wants to play and be friends. But I can't be its friend because it doesn't have a butt, and you can never be friends with someone who doesn't have a butt.

And so what I'm saying, Dad, is that this why you need to make the spray thing stop dripping water ALL. DAY. LONG!

Super Powers

I eat stuff that makes me sick. On purpose.

I hear Mom and Dad say that I'm not too smart when I keep eating the things that make me feel sick. "She doesn't get it because she doesn't get sick until hours later or the next day." Well, I don't know what "hours later" are, but I know what makes me sick, and I know how much of it I need to eat, and I know the places where I can find it. I also always look for new things that I can eat that will make me sick, so that I will know them too.

When you get sick, everything feels more. You can feel parts of your body you don't usually feel. You feel it more when people touch you, or when you move your head even a little bit. Things sound louder and farther apart too. And best of all smells become super huge! When you get sick you have super powers!!!

And those little grey guys with the fluffy tails that run up the tall things outside are hard to sneak up on, so you need super powers.

And those little grey guys with fluffy tails are annoy... No Dad, you have to write it like I say it! And those little grey guys with fluffy tails are assholes. Someone needs to put them in their place, and that place is not way up the tall things outside! Sometimes they stay away from you when you're outside. But when you're outside and tied to your people, the little grey guys with fluffy tails don't stay as far away. They run right past you and they wave their tail at you, and they make fun of you because everyone knows your people will get lost if you try to chase them and the rope comes off. And when you're inside they come right up to the window and they eat things that you can't get to, and sometimes they eat things that will make you sick right in front of you so that you know that they have super powers too!!

Whenever I see one of those little grey guys with fluffy tails, I stand really still and calmly tell Mom or Dad, or whatever person I'm tied to, to stay right where they are and that I will come back and get them after I put this little guy in the right place for him. But the people always get too scared that they will get lost and they hold onto the rope tighter and pull me close. So I have to keep eating food that makes me sick so that when I do finally get to chase one of those little grey guys with fluffy tails, I will catch him and then he will not be an asshole anymore.

Thursday, July 11, 2013


Ugh. My parents say I'm getting a new cuzin.

My Auntie Kristen and Uncle Zak live on the other side of my house. I go over there whenever I want if the door is open to the upstairs outside place. I also go over when they have parties because no one knows how to have fun as much as me. (You know it's not a party until somebody pees on the floor!). Uncle Zak is really fun too. He knows how to sing just like a real doggie. And so I try to jump on him and make him sing whenever I see him. Auntie Kristen is great too. She wipes my mouth after I drink water because sometimes I forget I still have water in it when I'm done drinking. And then she brings out a tennis ball, which I love the most!

But Mom and Dad said that my Auntie and Uncle are getting me a new cuzin. But here's what I say. Just because you're a dog doesn't mean you're my cuzin! Lots of dogs pretend to be another dogs cuzin when they want to move in and take over. I used to have lots of brothers and sisters. My real mom and dad probably did too. That means I already HAVE lots of cuzins. I don't need you to get me a new (fake!) one.

I'm not going to like this dog on purpose. He is a fake cuzin, so I will call him fuzin to his butt. I already think he's annoying and when I see him, I'm going to jump on him until he pees. Then he's going to roll in his pee and I'm going to be the big cuzin. And when no one is looking I will eat all of his food and he will have none and he will want to go away and he will wish he were my real cousin and not trying to be my fuzin which is not any kind of cuzin at all!

Ugh. I hope he is not big.

Wednesday, July 10, 2013


I fell for it again.

Dad had the peanut butter ball and... You know how you can always hear people the best when they have food? I think it is because being smelly make things louder. Or it makes everything else quieter. Or you have to do whatever food says, because food is awesome and when people have food it is like they can talk through the food. Yeah, that sounds the most right. People can talk through food.

So Dad said through the peanut butter that I should go "Downstairs!" and since I like peanut butter so much (SO MUCH!!!), I did what it said. And he left it there with me and  Peanut Butter told me to "wait...  wait... wait..." So I did... and did... and did... Then it made a snap sound and said, "Okay, Nima!" And I jumped up and ate it all up, because that is what I wanted it to mean by that. 

Then I was by myself in the downstairs.  Again. 

It happens a lot. No, Dad, I said, "alot."  It happens alot. I keep listening to Peanut Butter tell me to go "Downstairs" and then "Wait" and then "Okay" and then everyone is gone.

And downstairs used to be more fun.  There used to be all kinds of tasty chewy things on the high place that I could reach and pull down. Some of them tasted minty, some tasted funky, some tasted soapy, and orangey, and flowery... But now there's nothing up there. So downstairs isn't as much fun as it used to be. Now I mostly worry and sleep until Peanut Butter brings everyone else back. Sometimes it takes a while and I worry that Mom and Dad got lost. They get lost real easy if I'm not there. It's so bad they have to tie a rope between us when we go out so that I can help them find their way home. I don't know how they get back without me. I just wait and hope that Peanut Butter tells them the right way back before they eat it. 

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Funnest Day EVER!!!

BigFunGuy came today!!! It was AMAZING!!! First my parents left me with my peanut butter ball like usual, and I ate it and then they were gone. I don't know why peanut butter makes people go away. It always makes me want to be right where the peanut butter is. But it always makes people go away. But sometimes it makes BigFunGuy come over, so I like it even more.

And I told you before that he takes me to the best place ever, but this is what I mean. He put me in the car with SOOOOO MANY happy doggies. And we sang bark songs and rode around and we got more doggies and BigFunGuy sang with us sometimes too. But mostly he talked to his hand box. And every time he stopped and left, he came back with another singing doggie. This is where I say OMG, right? It was SOOOO MUCH FUN!!!

And that was just the first part! Then we got to his house, which is really big and there were already lots of doggies there too and ReallyFunLady was there too. She sings songs with us sometimes and is really friendly and fun. Some of the doggies were singing already, and some were chasing chewy toys and squeeky balls. I chased after a squeeky ball right away and got it and I ran around alot until lots of doggies got me and I peed and rolled in my pee. But everyone knows how to play pee-ball, right? And I played that until I got too hot, and then I splashed my paws in the water bowl and drank water and laid down in the water. Then someone starting singing my favorite bark-song at the fence so I sang at the fence too. I don't sing alot though because my voice sounds funny to me. Mostly I just sing when someone else is singing, because that's what you do.

AND. I. DID. THAT. ALL. DAY. LONG. FOREVER!!! Until BigFunGuy got me and some other doggies (it was sharp-smell, and blue-funk-smell, and pee-smell, and stinky) and we got back in his car and he took us to our homes one by one. I didn't know how tired I was until I was back in the car. I kept trying to fall asleep because pee-smell is so warm and soft when you lay on his belly, but sharp-smell wouldn't stop singing. She has the most energy of anyone ever and can't stop running even in the car.  Then BigFunGuy put me back in my house and Dad was already home, but I just fell asleep.  OMG! (right?)

Monday, July 8, 2013

A Proper Sniff

Okay, Dad says I'm supposed to say more about me in my blog first. He says you can write back, but first I have to share stuff. He says you can't see me spin too.  That's too bad because I'm a real good spinner. Everybody yells and laffs a lot when I spin.

My name is Nima. Really it's Dixie, but my Mom and Dad only call me Nima. I don't think they know my real name.  They're also not my real Mom and Dad. They're good for people though. They adopted me from a really REALLY nice foster home where I had, like 12 brothers and sisters. I'm not really sure how many I had because I only have four paws, so I kept losing count. Before that I was in some really sad place with big walls and fences, and a lot of sad dogs.  I didn't like it there.  Before that I don't remember. I think the sad place must be where everything comes from. At least dogs anyway.  Maybe walls and fences too.  Isn't that kind of weird?

Anyway I was still real young when Mom and Dad adopted me.  They brought me to a place with lots of chewy things and carpets I could pee on.  I liked that place.  I peed in most of the rooms and I chewed anything I could find when I got lonely. I got lonely a lot 'cause I was used to being with like 12 brothers and sisters.  Then we moved to another place that didn't have carpets.  I was more used to being alone so I didn't chew as much anymore.  But I still peed on most of the rooms.

Then we moved again.  We moved really far.  We tried lots of places along the way, but most of them were not good places. Only one place was the best.  It is called Flagstaff.  IT IS AMAZING!!!! It has the best smells I have ever smelled.  I wanted to live there forever, but we left the next day.  This is how I know Mom and Dad are not my real parents for sure.

We stopped and stayed at the next place.  It's called Santa Monica.  It is pretty nice too. It has okay smells, and sometimes I get to go to the beach which is the third best place ever. The best place ever is the fun place I go to once in a while. This really big guy comes to my house and then takes me to his car with other happy doggies in it.  Then we go to his house and we play ALL DAY LONG!!! I don't take a nap or nothing.  Then at the end of the day he takes me back to my house and I fall asleep all night.  I don't know what OMG means, but I think this is where I'm supposed to say it. 

The four things I like the best are: 

  • Food (whatever kind there is the most of is the best kind)
  • Tennis balls
  • Peanut butter
  • Anything I can swallow that makes me feel sick later on
The four places I like the best are:
  • The happy doggie place
  • Flagstaff, AZ
  • The beach kind of near Santa Monica - the one with lots of dogs and tennis balls on it.
  • My Grandma's backyard.  She lets me dig holes as deep as I can and never tells me to stop.
The four things that smell the best are:
  • Flagstaff, AZ
  • Garbage
  • Poop I find on the street
  • This is a trick category.  Everything smells the best.


Hi! Hi! I'm... Hey, Hi! Down here! Yeah you're tall, but I can make myself THIS tall... and... THIS short.  Hey! Woah. I like the way you smell!  I like you.  Let's play RIGHT NOW! I can spin in a circle like THIS. Like THIS! Hey you can do it too. If you lower your butt like this you can go even faster!!! Watch me run around stuff.  WooooOOOOOooooo. That is SO MUCH FUN.  Hi. Hi. Hi.  Wanna be friends? Because I like you already SO MUCH! Do you have food?