Monday, January 13, 2014

North-South

Dad said he read an article about doggies and he had a question for me... This is how most of our worst conversations start. Apparently people write a lot of things about doggies. They write about what they say we like. And they write about how to make us do the things that they want us to do. They also write about how to make us stop doing the things they don't want to do. So when Dad says he just read something about doggies, that's not a good thing.

Today he told me about an article he read that says that doggies poop North-South, and then he asked me why we do that.

I don't even know what "North-South" is, so I twisted my head a little and looked straight at him the longest. He knows this means that he's making no kind of sense at all. So he went on...

He said that North and South are the opposite ends of the Earth and that the Earth is a big magnet and that... well basically he just keeps saying lots of things that make NOT ANY sense at all. And then my neck started hurting from holding my head twisted too long, so I just laid down flat.

So then he said a magnet is the thing that is on the big food-box in the food-room... So his article is saying that I'm pooping in the food-room? Is that what this is about?!

But he said no. He said it's about doggies pooping outside, which IS something that I do -- usually I spin around before I poop and when I get where I like it, I poop. But he says I'm lining up with stuff. He says he's been watching me since he read the article and I've been doing it a lot.

This is where it started to get creepy, so I had to make him stop.

When you poop, you just do what you need to do to poop the way it feels the most right. When you're body says it's time to poop, you bring all your paws together, hunch up your back, and... well, I don't have to tell you how to poop, do I?

And I shouldn't have to tell you anything about pooping. Pooping is just the most basic thing that anyone can do. It shouldn't be anything that you have to explain to anyone! And if I do line up when I poop then so what!! Unless right in front of your face is what "North-South" means, there's no reason why you should be watching me do it every time I do it!!! I once saw a doggie do a front-paw stand when he pooped. That is WAY strange, but I didn't start following him around and watching him every time he pooped to see if he would do it again! Do you want me watching you poop?! Should I tell you which way you're lining and how long you're taking and whether you're hunching your back enough?!! Does that sound like a good idea to you?

So my answer to Dad's question about the article that says doggies poop "North-South" is that you need to stop reading articles about how to poop. That is not a good thing, and maybe that's why you take forever when you do it.

2 comments:

  1. Hey, I have a quick question I wanted to ask you about your blog, do you think you could send me an email when you get this? Thanks! Tiffany
    tpham(at)dropcam(dot)com

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  2. Haha, so true! Some things are better left to mystery.

    ReplyDelete