Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Dog Time

What is time?

That's what Dad asked me today. It is because he is looking at a paper block with a picture of a doggie on the front but that just smells like paper and not a doggie at all. The paper block has lots of pieces of paper inside of it with black marks on it, which also don't smell like a doggie. Dad stares at a piece of paper for a while then he moves to another piece of paper in the block and does it some more. (I can only hope he is trying to practice his sniffing skills.) Then he looks at me and asks me, "What is time?" Maybe he doesn't really know, or maybe he wants to know if I know, or maybe he's just asking me that be because he doesn't want to stare at his paper block anymore.

I know what people think time is. People think time is complicated. Sometimes they think time is up, and later they think it is over, and sometimes they think it is just-in-, and later they think it is wasted. They say time is slow and fast. They say you can be in time or out of time. They even say time is money. But time isn't any of those things... Except maybe money... It could be money, because I don't actually know what money is. But I do know what time is. Time is just stupid.

Time is stupid the way a rock is stupid. Or the way the ground is stupid. Or the way that paper block is stupid. Because time just is. It doesn't matter what you are doing, or not doing, or wanting to do, or waiting to do, or did, or didn't do. Time is just how long it took you to do it or not do it, and that is it. It has nothing to do with the actual thing you did or didn't do. You just got confused.

People talk about bedtime like there is only one time you can get in your bed. But what is your bed doing when you're not in it? I'll tell you because I've watched beds when a person is in them and when no one is in them. Your bed is doing the same thing no matter what time you think it is. So it is always bedtime.

People also talk about dinner time or breakfast time, like there is only one time when you can eat those things. But what is your breakfast food or dinner food doing at when it is not those times? I watch food a lot (A LOT!!!) so I know what food is doing when you say it is NOT time to eat it. It is doing the exact same thing it is doing when you say it IS time eat it. So it is always dinner time too!

People talk about running out of time, but if that happened how would you have time to do anything you've done since your time ran out? If you are reading my blog right now, then there was still more time. I think there is always more time. I think you just don't want to do whatever it was that you were doing anymore, and you're blaming time, which is also stupid.

So my answer is it is time to put down the paper block that you don't want to sniff anymore, it is time to stop asking stupid questions, and it is time to feed me breakfast or dinner or whatever food time you want to say it is.

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