Lil' Help

I've been thinking about how things are going to change soon - with the new baby boy that Mom is making to add to our pack. And I think you should let me help out a little more around here. I can do a lot more than you let me, and I think you guys are going to have your hands full with that people-baby. I mean, no offense to Mom, because she's doing a great job making a baby pretty much all by herself (seriously Dad, you could help out a little more too), but even with Dad's help the baby isn't going to be any good at doing ANYTHING. So here are all the things I can do. I'm going to be a really big help!

• Get my own water. This isn't so much about me doing something as it is about you NOT having to do something. Those big bowls in the bathroom are filled with water all the time. If you just leave the lid up, I can get all the water I need. Easy for you. Easy for me!
• Food room clean-up. You know I can do this! I'm practically made for floor work! Why should you stoop down, when I'm already here? All you have to do is NOT people-bark at me when I come in to lend a helping, um, help out.
• Baby monitor. Any time the baby needs something, I'll let you know the loudest!
• Baby cleaning. Two words: doggie licks! Done and done.
• Baby toys. As soon as I'm done with my tennis balls, they are all his!
• Baby sitting. I don't know why anyone would want to sit on a baby. But I don't see how it could be so hard that I couldn't do it too.
• Pooping. Babies can smell SO LOUD! And that's okay, except that other animals will try to come and eat him. I can poop in the house to cover the baby smell. I already showed you how well it works! I CAN SMELL THE LOUDEST!!
• Be in charge of my own food. I've pretty much got the hang of getting fed down. One scoop from the big food box in the back of the pantry. No problem! Just leave it to me. There's no reason why you should have to worry about that at all. I'll let you know when we need more.