Just crazy

Everybody has something that drives them crazy the MOST... something that gets under your fur and just changes you into someone else right away. Yours might be a smell that makes you crazy about digging deep down the hardest, so that you can get underneath it and flip it WAY up in the air. Or it might be the way something runs across the floor in front of you that makes you crazy about stomping it SO flat that you can't tell which part is the top anymore. Or it might be the when an itchy bug bites you on the part of your back you can't reach no matter how much you twist your head to bite that spot. My thing - the thing that turns me into someone I don't even know - is that squeaky lady that lives down the street.

It doesn't matter how tired I am, or if there is a treat I could be having right now, or if there is a fluffy-tailed douchebag that is being the douchiest in the path right in front of me. As soon as I hear her squeakiness - as soon as she puts her tin-thin sound inside my ears - I have to (HAVE TO!!!) jump up on anything that looks like a people.

I don't know what it is about that squeak, but I need to jump on her the MOST!! And there is a criss-cross wall in my way! So I try to claw at her through the criss-crosses, but she's too far away AND she is STILL SQUEAKING AT ME!! I need to jump up on someone SO BAD!!! And there is someone on this side of the criss-crosses, and he is shaped the most like her of anything I can reach, so I jump up on him - on THAT - because I still. hear. her. squeaking!!!

And then I hump...

And I never regret anything I do, because everything I do, I do on purpose... except when I am not me. And me is who I am not when that lady that lives down the street squeaks out loud at me. So, Dad, I'm sorry that not-me doggie humped your leg. That was just some doggie that went crazy the MOST. I don't even know her... And I think you would be smart to stay away from her.