Those little grey guys with fluffy tails

Ugh!!!

Those little grey guys with fluffy tails... Dad explained it to me so I know it better now... Those little grey guys with fluffy tails are not assholes... They are douchebags.

The think they are the best. They hop and wave their tails, because they know you will not chase them, because you are tied to your people. But when you get close so that they are afraid anyway, then they yell at you through their noses. They say, "No! No! NO! Go Away! I wasn't waving at you!!! I swear I wasn't!!!" But everyone knows they were. They were waving their tails at you on purpose. And when (no, Dad, not when)... And if you start to leave them alone, they laugh and say, "Ha, ha! That is a stupid doggie tied to a lost people and I was waving at you all the time! Stupid Doggie!" And I hate (HATE!!!) them the most (EVER!!!).

And yesterday I was at the park, and I was catching a tennis ball out of the air, when I saw that blue-bean-smell was looking the hardest up the round-tall thing people call a tree. And blue-bean-smell was pointing with his whole body. And he was really still and he was body-saying, "Everybody stay calm. I'm just going to catch this little grey guy with the fluffy tail and put him in his right place." And so everyone got really excited and ran right over!

Then it was me and blue-bean-smell, and old-collar-smell, and wet-paper-smell, and meat-breath-smell (which is the best smell-name EVER!!! I am SOOO jealous!). And we sang our angry bark-songs at the little grey guy with the fluffy tail... (Or douchebag, right Dad?). And we all wanted to put him in his right place SOOO BAD!!! And we all tried climbing up the tree but none of us could do it... You can say a lot of bad things about the fluffy-tailed douchebags, but you also have to say that they are REALLY GOOD tree climbers. I wish I could do that too! Then I could get all the tennis balls that Dad throws into the trees.

And the fluffy-tailed douchebag was afraid and he yelled at us, "No! No! NO! Go Away! I wasn't waving at you!!! I swear I wasn't!!!" But really he was and we were not fooled!!! And so we all agreed that we would stay there until he tried to come back down or until he stopped being a douchebag forever. And we all wanted to take the first watch, because we each wanted to be the one to put him in his right place. And I told everyone that I would take the first watch, because I... and that's when Dad decided that he needed to go home. And he came and grabbed my collar, attached the rope to me, and pulled me away from the luckiest douchebag EVER and made me walk him back home.

And I kept looking back because I wanted to see someone put that fluffy-tailed douchebag in his right place, but all I kept seeing was other people who must have decided that it was time for them to go home too. And I swear I heard that fluffy-tailed douchebag say through his nose, "Ha, ha! Stupid doggies tied to lost people. I was waving at you all the time!"

Ugh!!!