Thursday, November 21, 2013

You done with that?

Everybody knows some things about begging, like: If they move away from you, you lose. If you are told to be gone, you lose. If you are locked outside, you lose. But not everybody knows when they are winning. Mostly everyone thinks you are only winning when you get what you beg for. But that's wrong. My rule for begging is: if you're not making enemies, you're making progress.

And it's true! Because the first thing you have to know with begging is not to go too far. You don't want to make people feel guilty, or angry at you because you are so pushy, or like you are a doggie that needs to spend time outside on the balcony, behind a closed wall-way, watching them finish all of the food. You want them to look at you and say, "You might be doing the wrong thing, but you can stay exactly where you are."

And you say: "But Nima, that might not be enough to get me all of the food that they already have! And I WANT IT!!! GIVE IT TO ME NOOOOOWWW!!!"

You just got put out on the balcony with dry leaves instead of food. See how well that worked? You already went too far.

And that is because the second thing you have to know with begging is where YOU have to make people go. You have to beg in a way that makes people go to a better place than they are in before you started begging... and they're already eating food or holding the best (BEST!) toy you have ever seen, so they are already in a really good place. You have to make them feel like: "Aw, this doggie is cuter than my toy!"

Or, "Aw, this doggie is the nicest, sweetest doggie EVER!"
Or, "Awwwwww... I want to melt into a puddle and have this doggie lay on top of me."

(Yes, I know it is weird, but people think things like that.)

And no you won't always get what you beg for. But sometimes you still get a treat, or a toy, and you always get a warm lap to lay your head on for as long as you want! ...And you never get dry leaves. If you do get dry leaves, you lose.

1 comment:

  1. Great advice, Nima! Sookie needs to take some pointers from you, particularly when she is desperately begging for our food while we're eating like she hasn't eaten all day (which is never the case)!