Advice Doggie

Because I'm a doggie, people talk about a lot of things around me. I hear people giving bad advice, or making an observation about life that sounds good, but is really just wrong or stupid. Since you read my blog, I love you the MOST! So I'm going to make sure you get some good advice for once.

• Why put off to tomorrow, what you can do today? This is an annoying question people ask because they don't want to do something, but they think they have to do it anyway. Or worse, someone who is next to you asks you this question when you're trying hard to come up with a reason NOT to do something that you don't want to do. The truth is you should just do it or don't do it. It doesn't matter. It's all the talking and thinking about it that is the worst! You should just cut that out right now!
• You should take life one day at a time. This one is true, but it is just a dumb thing to say, because you don't have a choice. When was the last time you lived two days at the same time? It can't be done. So my advice is to never say this to anyone because you just sound like an idiot.
• Live each day as if it were your last. This one sounds kind of like the last one but it is worse, because it is both wrong and really bad advice. If this were your last day, would you go to sleep at night? Probably not. Would you work so that you would have food tomorrow? No way. If you ran into someone who pisses you off, would you bite them? Yes, you would. You would bite them really, really hard. Then the next day would come and you would be sleepy, and hungry, and locked up for biting someone. What you should do is live each day and try not to bite anyone if you can help it.
• The best things in life are free. Wrong. Everything costs you something. Sunshine is free and it is great. But if you get too much of it you can get cancer or if you're a plant you can dry up and die. So you end up paying for all of that sunshine in the end. Playing all day with your friends is the best and can be free too. Except that you could also be out working to get food or to find a safe place to sleep, so if you play too much you pay the price for that too. So I say the best things in life are the ones you earn. That way you already paid for them and then you can just enjoy them.
• Barking dogs seldom bite. This is GREAT advice, if you want to get bit by a doggie. For everyone else it is Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. No means no even if it is said by an doggie... Especially if it is said by an doggie!! If you messed with a doggie who was barking at you, you are an idiot and she is probably barking at you because you told her to live life one day at a time. And if a doggie is barking at you, it is because she is now living like it could be the last day of her life. Do not piss off a barking dog.