Baby rules

It looks like Mom's doing a great job making a baby to add to my pack. And I don't know how long it takes a person to make a baby, but I do know that you can never be ready too soon... Actually, I don't really KNOW that, but it seems like it can't be wrong. And anyway, I keep hearing everyone say to Mom and Dad that their lives will never be the same. And that means that things are going to change. And as long as we're changing things, I think we should make some things clear right now. We need new rules around here, and I think these ones will work the BEST!!

• If you drop it, it should be mine. ...Or at least up for grabs. Babies are really clumsy. They drop things ALL THE TIME! You don't have the time to keep up with that, and you shouldn't have to! Who does this baby think he is making you run around and pick up after him?! If he wants it so bad, he'll learn to hold onto it. In the meantime, I am happy to do my part to help pick up after him.
• Everyone feeds themselves (except the baby of course). It really pains me to see you have to work SO HARD to make dinner for yourselves, AND THEN clean up everything, AND THEN make dinner for me. That is just too much! And it is going to be even more work when that baby, who doesn't even know where to find the food, much less feed himself, gets here. I've been watching how things work. I know where you keep my food. You just need to leave the lid open and not angry-bark at me when I go through the food-room to get it. I'll let you know when we need more.
• I get to pick through the garbage. This one is all about saving you time and effort. I see how much work it is to pull that big bag out of the trash can and then carry it outside. And it's going to fill up even faster when that messy baby gets here! I can help you keep it from building up too quick by taking care of the stuff that isn't all the way dead yet.
• We get new baby gates that doggies can open. You're not going to want to let the baby run around the house where you can't see him. So that means you'll need to put up more gates like the one I can't open at the top of the Downstairs. But keeping him in sight shouldn't mean stopping me from getting to the garbage or the food bin when it's time for me to do my part to help you. Yep, just thinking of you on this one.
• I get to be on furniture. Hey, we're all in this together! Now's not the time to worry about little things like who's sitting where.
• No more angry-barking at me. I heard from the other doggies at the park that babies suck at sleeping. I'm pretty sure this can't be true, because sleeping is the easiest thing there is. On the other paw, I do know that people make easy things like sleeping really hard when they don't have to be. And when no one is getting good sleep, people and doggies get angry. So let's just take a minute and catch our breaths before we snap at each other. If you think you need to angry-bark at me, that's a good sign you just need to get more sleep. Besides, if we are following all the new rules, there's really no reason left to angry-bark at me.