Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Slam Jam

At the park, doggies like to play rough (ruff!). We snarl and nip and mount each other, but mostly we make fun of each other and our owners (and sometimes cats, and always those fluffy-tailed douchebags). And I just figured out that you guys don't know any of our slams. Here are some of my favorites... You're welcome!

  • Bark if you can't wait for your people to come home. Meow if you can't wait for that can opener noise.
  • Is that your bark or did you just eat a squeak toy?
  • You're so lazy, when your person throws a tennis ball you sit down and tell him you were done with it anyway.
  • You're so tiny, when you barked at a fluffy-tailed douchebag, he just stood there and said, "Who taught this douchebag to bark?"
  • You're so fat, when you run uphill, the hill runs back down.
  • You're so skinny, last time I chased a fluffy-tailed douchebag, he ran up you instead of a tree. *mounts skinny dog, flips tail like a fluffy-tailed douchebag*
  • You're so old, every day your person goes out and gets just one sample bag of dog food.
  • You're so stupid, your human said sit... and you did.
  • Your person is so slow, when you two go for a walk you just circle him.
  • Your person is so stupid, when you wag your tail he waves back.
  • Your tail is so stubby, you look like you're walking backwards.
  • Is that your tail or are you not done pooping yet?
  • No, no, keep wagging your tail -- It's the only way I can tell that I'm not looking at your face.
  • Is that your smell-name or are you carrying a people-baby?
  • Hey doggie, I got your smell-name right here! *lifts hind leg*
  • Bark if you love peanut butter and kissing people's faces! Meow if you only love yourself.

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