Food that is not really food

I always tell you that if you're coming to see me - if you're going anywhere where you might see me - you can bring me food. And it's true! I LOVE food! And I would love to get some from you! But I just found out that there is one kind of food that I don't like. I'm not really sure it is food at all, except I saw Mom and Dad eat it too, so what else could it be?

Dad calls this thing that is supposed to be food "lettuce."

He put some on the floor for me to eat, which I love (LOVE!) the most!! Because he always does that with the best foods - like the yellow-super-sweet-and-soft-chunks or the orange-less-sweet-but-crunchy-sticks. And just now he did the same thing with this "lettuce" like it is supposed to be sweet and yummy food! So I asked for it the MOST by lying down like you have to before you can have food that Dad or Mom puts on the floor for you. And he snapped, "Okay!" So I jumped up and ate it up with my mouth right away!

Or at least I tried to, because when I put it in my mouth it laid down too flat on my tongue and almost disappeared. And I could still kind of taste it, but I couldn't chew it because then it started to hug my tongue too tight, and that is something that food should NOT do! And I also wasn't sure if I was tasting it or not, because I could only taste tree in my mouth. I've tasted tree before when I chewed up the big tree leaves that are like branches so I could make a nest. So I would know if I had eaten tree - and I had NOT eaten any tree, so what was that about?!

And I checked to see if Dad was laughing at me because sometimes he likes to play at me. But he was not laughing, he was just looking at me with his head twisted just a little bit to one side. So I tried to like this little tree leaf, but I just couldn't and I couldn't even swallow it because it was hugging my tongue like it loved (LOVED!) me the most, even though I did NOT love it back. So I had to scrape it out the front of my mouth and put it back on the floor.

And I felt bad because it is rude to give back a gift - especially a food gift. But since this food gift is not really food, then I guess I shouldn't have to feel really bad.

So if you're coming to see me, or might just maybe see me wherever you go, PLEASE bring me food that is real food and not called lettuce at all!