Friday, August 23, 2013


Since I found out my now-and-forever-Mom-and-Dad are going to add a baby to our pack, and that I'm going to be a big doggie sister, I have to start getting my house ready. Getting ready for a baby is very important -- even if it is a people baby. If you do it wrong, other animals will come and eat it. And you have to have a plan for when the other animals do find you. Because no matter how well you hide yourself and your baby from them, you still have to be ready if, no, when they do. Yesterday, when I was waiting in the downstairs for Mom and Dad to come home, I came up with a perfect four part plan.

First, you have to make a nest out of sticks and leaves. The good thing is that even before I knew I was going to be a big doggie sister, I was checking out the sticks and leaves in the neighborhood. I always pick up the biggest ones because they are the most useful. And I try to bring them all home -- or at least as close to home as Mom and Dad will let me. And they have the biggest leaves EVER here in Santa Monica! Dad says they are called "palm" leaves, because they come from "palm trees," which he says are technically not real trees. I don't know what he means by that, because that is when I stop listening to him. Anytime a person says the word "technically" to you, you can stop listening to them.

Palm leaves are the best because they are big like branches, which are really big sticks, but they are soft like leaves -- at least in some parts. And where they are hard, you can chew them open and make them softer. I know because once Mom let me bring one into the house and chew it up on the balcony. Just one palm leaf was almost enough to make a whole nest by itself!

Second, you need a place to put your nest where all the other animals can't get to it -- or at least they can't get to it easily, because you should never think they can't get to wherever you put it. If you can get there, then they can too. I'm going to put our baby's nest in the downstairs, because I've never seen any other animals here besides me and people in my pack. Also, then the baby will be with me all day and that lets me do the third part of my plan.

Third, you have to watch over it all the time. You can't sleep. And you have to watch over it while it is awake or asleep. You have to watch over it when it is eating or pooping. And you have to watch over it even when you are eating or pooping. And that brings me to the fourth part of my plan.

Fourth, you have to start pooping where you nest. For me that means I will start pooping in the downstairs. Pooping here is good for two reasons. First, my poop smells will cover the baby's smell and make it harder for other animals to find him or her. And second, I will be with the baby all the time, so when an animal does finally find us, they will have to fight me -- an angry, poop-stinky, big doggie sister, armed with teeth, claws, AND big sticks, who hasn't slept since the baby was born.

And that's a perfect four part plan, technically.

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