Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Dad versus the Vacuum Cleaner

Last night I watched an (what was it again, Dad? Epic? Oh, and Witnessed?) Last night I witnessed an epic fight between my Dad and the vacuum cleaner!

I spend a lot of time watching people and the things that they do. All dogs who live with people do. And one thing that confuses me the most, and that no other doggie has ever explained to me in a way that makes any sense, is why people keep vacuum cleaners in our houses -- and even more, why they EVER let them out of the closet once they finally get them trapped back in there!

Last night was a perfect example of what makes no sense. It was after dinner and I was laying on my newest bed and Dad was laying next to me on the floor and petting me. HEAVEN!!! And I have no idea what happened to make Dad do what he did next... Maybe it was something I did, or maybe Mom said something that I didn't hear, or maybe Dad remembered that he was still angry at vacuum cleaner from the last time they fought. But he stood up. He walked straight to THE closet. And he pulled out the vacuum cleaner... why would he do that?!

And it was a fight right away! It's like the vacuum cleaner knew he was coming, or it had been waiting all of this time just for the door to open a little crack! Because that is when the vacuum cleaner threw a whole bunch of other stuff in the closet at Dad. And then it slipped right past him while Dad tried to throw the stuff back at it. And Dad turned around just in time, because then Vacuum Cleaner threw its long tangly thing at him to try to tie him up. But Dad is a good fighter -- I told you before about how he pinned two dogs down at once! (Even though one was me, and I thought we were on the same side.) And Dad jumped behind Vacuum Cleaner and grabbed the whole tangly thing in just one hand!

And that made Vacuum Cleaner SOOO ANGRY! And it ROARED at him! And he grabbed Vacuum Cleaner around it's neck and then they FOUGHT SO HARD!!! Vacuum Cleaner kept trying to run away from him so it could get free. But Dad is STRONG! And he pulled it back!! Over and over again they fought all around the room! I wanted to help, too! I came right over but Vacuum Cleaner lunged at me! And I saw that it is not afraid and that it is strong too! And I smelled that... it... smells... like... ME!

And it doesn't just smell like me right now, but it has ALL of my smell-names at once!!! It is dirty-park smell, and it is puppy-flower-smell, and it is strong cow-compost smell all at once! And then I smelled more that it has Mom and Dad's smell-names too!!! How does it do that?! What does that mean?! IS IT EATING US ALREADY??!!!

And them Mom saw what was happening and she tried to help fight it too! She is strong and she picked up a chair to throw at it. But it must have been the wrong chair because she put it down and then she picked up another one. But it wasn't right either. And she kept picking up bringing chairs over, but then putting them down. And none of them were going to be big enough to hurt Vacuum Cleaner! And it tried to run away under the table that Dad is too big to go under, but Dad kept pulling it back out just in time! And then Dad finally choked it so much that it stopped moving and roaring.

And that is when Dad should have taken it outside forever. But instead -- and this part also makes no sense -- he carried it upstairs! Dad, WHY! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? And sure enough, as soon as he got it upstairs, Vacuum Cleaner woke up and got SOOO ANGRY again. And it roared the loudest!! And I was up there to try to help, but it kept lunging at me! And smelling like me and Mom and Dad! And I was SOOO afraid! But Dad was still strong and still brave (and just not smart, because he already beat it before and so this fight was really all his fault) and he kept fighting until Vacuum Cleaner passed out again.

And did Dad get rid of Vacuum Cleaner once and for all? No, because that would make sense, and nothing about any of this makes any sense! Dad picked up up Vacuum Cleaner and carried it all the way downstairs until it woke up AGAIN! And they had to fight AGAIN!!! And Dad is really not smart at this point, because I would have told him that is EXACTLY what was going to happen. But Dad is MY Dad, so I was still there, and I still wanted to help even though I was still afraid and Vacuum Cleaner was not. Vacuum Cleaner has no fear even though it keeps losing. Vacuum Cleaner is strong too and keeps pulling away from Dad. But Dad is stronger. And he knows how to fight Vacuum Cleaner. And Vacuum Cleaner lost AGAIN. And Dad tied up Vacuum Cleaner in its own tangly thing, and then he picked it up and carried it back to the middle upstairs... AND PUT IT BACK IN THE SAME CLOSET!!!!

And I witnessed this whole epic fight. And all I know is that Dad can fight Vacuum Cleaner the best, and that no dog will ever be able to make sense out of any of this.

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