Thursday, August 1, 2013

Love and Hate

This morning I remembered that I hate Dad the most! I HATE HIM!!! Because he puts the stuff on my back that makes me hurt and sting and burn so bad! (SO BAD!!! DAD, WHY?) And he is the meanest because he waits so long since the last time he did it that I forget. But as soon as I hear him call my name, I know again that I am going to hurt so bad and that I hate (HATE!!!) him the most!!!

And when he calls me I don't want to go. I try to sneak past him - I hold my tail and head low so he won't see me and I want to walk slow and up all the stairs to my best bed in the house so he won't find me there and will leave me alone. But he always sees me.

He sees me before he calls my name and he knows already that I am going to hate him and want to sneak past him. So he calls my name again, but he says it so that I can't sneak past him. He says it in the way that tells me that he sees me no matter where I am. And he knows where I am going to go and he says to "come here" in the voice that says you have to come here now. It says I know you hate me, but I don't care. So you have to come.

And you sit, even though you don't want to sit, because he said sit. And he puts his pain stuff on you. And for a minute it doesn't hurt or burn or sting, and you start to think maybe this time... maybe this time it won't... But then it starts. First it is just warm and that is okay. Then it is getting too warm. Then it burns the most! SO MUCH, DAD!!! And then the burning has stinging in the middle and you can't sit still. You have to move and go somewhere... ANYWHERE! And maybe you can wipe it off so you wiggle around, but it won't come off and it just makes it burn and sting more! WHY DAD?! I DON'T UNDERSTAND?!! WHY DO YOU HATE ME SO BAD???!!!

But then you hear something else. You hear food saying you should come here. And food says it nice and this time you come because you want to come. And food says you should lay down and wait and try to calm down. But you don't feel calm and you don't want to lay down. But food says you have to. So you start to lay down, and wait, because food is being so nice (SO NICE!!!) and you need that the most right now. And food waits for you to put your head down, but it is so hard because you still feel stings and too warm even though you are trying to be calm for food. But then you put your head down and start to feel calm and then food says, "Okay, Nima!" And you get up and eat it all up, because you love food so much. (SO MUCH!)

And you know that Dad put the food there so maybe he is not the meanest ever. And maybe it is possible to hurt and burn and sting but still be calm. And maybe it is possible to hate someone the most and still love them too, because they can be nice through food when you need it the most.

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